Yesterday we outlined the first four of Dr. Sheri Meyers' eight top reasons for affairs. Dr. Meyers is a marriage and family therapist. Today we finish off the list. Just like yesterday - the reasons are from Dr. Meyers, the comments are mine.
5. Loss of self-esteem. Or...never had self esteem. The affair is driven by the need to feel good about one's self. It's reassurance, validation. If someone isn't getting that validation from their partner, they are apt to look for it somewhere else. Another risk of low self-esteem is that the person who doesn't feel good will run their partner down in an attempt to level the playing field. Know anybody like this?
6. Excessive time at work. All work and no play makes Jack's wife (or Jill's husband) look for fun somewhere else. A lot of companies are focusing more on work/life balance these days, which is good. But for many who get their "identity" from what they do, spending too much time at the office could be adding a vulnerability to their relationship.
7. New friends of the opposite sex. I've been back and forth with this one. I have friends of the opposite sex and I'm not cheating. I think what matters here is where you draw the line on the friendship. Avoid putting yourself in vulnerable positions. Avoid getting too close. I have female friends that I care about, but in a real pinch, I can't be their 'go to guy'.
8. Business Trips. This doesn't mean that everyone who goes on a business trip is boinking their way across the country. It's simply a warning flag that should be recognized. It's easy (for some) to think "what happens in Cleveland, stays in Cleveland." Keep the foundation strong at home, and this risk diminishes.
The point of me sharing this list is to send up warning flags for things you can watch for in your relationship. Even if your relationship is on solid footing, it doesn't hurt to do a safety check every once in a while.
We'll wrap up this topic tomorrow.
Stay in touch -
Mark
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