Relationship Killer: Complacency

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Each Tuesday I bring you a suggestion on specific things to avoid, in order to keep your relationship out of dangerous water. Today I want to talk about complacency.

After couples have been together for some time, we tend to get very comfortable in each other's space and we lose our edge. We stop worrying about bad habits, don't mind letting out the big farts and burps, and we stopping doing thoughtful things.

Over time we become more like friends than lovers and our intimacy level drops. Sex becomes too familiar and routine, and things start to slide. As a result sex becomes less of a priority and before long we end up as roommates.

This, I believe, is one of most serious issues that couples face. It takes work, commitment, and attention to avoid. Spice things up. Break habits and routines. Get crazy in the sack once in a while and make loving fun.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Christmas Gift Idea: Spa Day

Guys,

I know sometimes it can get tough to come up with a gift that really hits home with your lady, but I have a great idea for you. A day at a spa.

Look for a spa in your area and give her a gift card for a facial, manicure/pedicure, massage or any of the great services they offer. She'll get pampered and will love the relaxing time.

But I want you to go one step further and go with her. Lots of guys are going to spas these days and I can tell you from personal experience that it's really great. Sign up for a couple massage where both you and your lady get a nice relaxation massage in a private room just for the two of you. Take her to lunch after and make the day of it.

Trust me on this, she'll love it. Ladies? Would you agree?

Stay in touch -

Mark

Bad Idea for a Birthday Gift?

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"

"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'".

Have a great weekend.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Thanks Giving

It's Thanksgiving in the US. A day set aside specifically to give thanks.

But it's also Thursday, the day I "assign" the guys a task. Today's task is easy, or at least it should be.

I want you to write your lady a short, two word note and leave it somewhere that she will find it. "Thank you." That's it.

Be prepared though, because she will ask you about the note, and you'll need to express what you are thanking her for.

Thanks for everything you do for me, for the family.
Thanks for your hard work.
Thanks for the way you love me.
Dudes, seriously, this list is endless.

Happy Thanksgiving America. Happy Thursday everywhere else.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Is She Faking It?

Bad news guys: A recent study by the Kinsey Institute reveals that 85% of men think their partner had an orgasm the last time they had sex, but only 64% of women say they actually did.

Other studies say that 80% of women fake it at least some of the time.
Ever wonder why?

There are a few reasons - and they're not all terribly bad.

1. She's trying, but just can't get there. For a number of reasons, some may not even be related to you.
2. She's just tired. Sorry, maybe tonight she's willing to let you have some fun, but is too tired to reach the top.
3. She's having sex so you don't feel rejected or angry and wasn't really interested in sex to begin with.
4. Maybe you're not doing something right. In this case, y'all need to chat.
5. She feels like she is taking too long, and is wearing you out - so she "finishes" so you can.
6. Your sex sucks. Ok, that one...that was terribly bad.

I could go on and on with this list. The bottom line is this - it isn't always bad that she fakes it. Don't get put out. But if she's not being taken care of on a regular basis, you do need to fix what's wrong.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Relationship Killers: Her Annoying Habits

Let's be honest. You don't like everything about your partner. And she isn't crazy about every little quirk you have either. But I want to encourage you to be careful how you react to her habits. If you allow little things to get under your skin and fester, they can be kill your relationship.

Over time, little things can be magnified and take on a greater energy than they should. That's when things can get ugly. Remember, everyone has faults. You're not perfect either. Keep things in perspective. Live and let live and allow her to be human.

Remember, her forgetting to turn off lights, or snorting when she laughs isn't a relationship killer. But your reaction over time may be.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Set the Tone in Your Home

I like plaques. Admittedly, some are better than others.
This one is great. It says:

In this home, we believe in celebrating together -
living deeply, laughing often and loving always.
We believe we were brought together to support and care for each other.
We believe in one another, in this family, in this home.

YOU can set THAT tone in your home. And you can begin today.

Stay in touch -

Mark

New Format., New Content

Ok, so here's the new look -

And here's a slightly different approach. Each day of the week will have a recurring theme:

Mondays: Wild Card. This could be anything.
Tuesdays: Relationship Killers. What to avoid to keep things on track.
Wednesdays: Sex.
Thursdays: Your To Do List.
Fridays: Fun

The posts will be short, to the point and easy to read.

Spread the word, and by all means please,

Stay in touch -

Mark

The Difference Between Men and Women

(Click on Image to enlarge).

Look for our NEW FORMAT, starting Monday.
Have a great weekend.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Relationship Killers

Clearly, a huge part of your life is comprised of your family and friends, and (with the good comes the bad) the same goes for her. So, if you don't get along with the other people who share your partner's life, it can really kill a relationship.

I agree, it's impossible to love everyone in her life, but you have to maintain good terms as best you can - especially with the people closest to her. This is critical to keeping your relationship on solid ground.

A long term feud with her brother, on-going disagreements with her parents and open stress whenever you see her best friend, are adding up stress in her life and could lead her to have to choose between you and them. And there's never a guarantee how that will go.

Even if it doesn't lead to a break, it's adding a growing amount of undue stress.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Are You Doing "It" Right?

Guys don't really enjoy being told how to do something.
And we don't like being told we're not doing something right.
But when it comes to sex - now there's a hot button.
But really, sex is about BOTH of you, and if you're not doing something right, you really need to know.

First, let me be clear. I don't want this to turn into an annual performance review. "John, we need to work on some long term goals regarding your performance." Most of what you need to know is being communicated during sex. If you're unclear, ask.

Does she respond well when you do a certain thing a certain way?
Does she move away from something else when you do it?
Are you even paying attention???
Listen to her. Is she clearly enjoying this or that, or just going through the motions?

Try this: Just as things are getting going, ask her what she wants. "Tonight is all about you - what can I do for you?" As long as she doesn't say "leave me alone so I can get some sleep", you're good to go. Pay attention to what she likes and make sure it becomes a regular part of your routine.

If you don't know how to do something - it's ok to ask. It may not be the easiest thing to do, but it'll be worth it.

Like every other aspect of your relationship, communication is important regarding sex too.

Stay in touch -

Mark

If it Walks Like a Duck...

Do you remember the Bruce Willis movie "The Kid"? There's a scene where he asks how many time do you have to be called a jerk before it's true. Well, here's the thing...

If you have a specific trait or characteristic, and people independently approach you about it, you most likely need to pay attention to what they're saying and change your behavior.

If you're in a relationship with someone, and several of your friends approach you with similar concerns about your partner, as hard as it might be - you need to listen.

This is very different from running your life by consensus, or going out of your way to please other people. If a number of people, independently see something consistently, then it deserves your attention.

People are often uncomfortable approaching their friends about something negative. If several people are coming to you, you need to realize that what they are saying is very important.

Similarly, if your partner is repeating the same concerns to you over and over, you need to listen. Don't consider it nagging, consider it that you are getting multiple chances to correct something that is bothering her.

So, whether it's about you or a partner, it's a good idea to remember that the people around you care, and you should probably listen.

Stay in touch -

Mark

A Story About Pie

I want to share a story with you about being grateful.

There was a woman who knew that her next door neighbor loved pie. So one day she baked her one and took it over. "Oh this is great! thank you so much, you are a great neighbor" the woman replied.

Knowing how much she liked the pie, the woman decided next week to take another one. "thanks very much" was the reply. Same thing the next week. "thanks" the woman said.

The following week when she delivered a pie the woman said "hey you're a day late." The week after that, "can you make cherry instead of apple all the time"?

The woman's appreciation dropped off over time. She went from being grateful to nagging about the kind of pie she was receiving. And guys, I want to tell you, we do the same thing.

Over time, we lose appreciation for all of the things our partners do for us. We take it for granted. When was the last time you thanked her for something she does that routinely goes unnoticed?

Maybe it's time to notice, and be grateful.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Kids Advice on Dating and Marriage

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(written by children)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan , age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen , age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Have a good weekend.
Stay in touch -

Mark

Say it with Music

Is there a song that comes to mind when you think about your wife/girlfriend?
Hopefully Elton John's "The Bitch is Back" didn't just come to mind.

Going old school, how about "Ain't No Woman Like the One I've Got" or "Some Kind of Wonderful"? Thousands of songs have been written about love and about that special someone that you can identify with.

So?

So...tell her. Put it on a CD or your iPod and play it for her.
Put a whole bunch of the them on a CD and go for a drive. Tell her all the songs remind you of her. Then ride, listen and talk.

Make a "bedroom" CD or playlist for some intimate time.

I think that one thing that attracts people to movies is the underlying soundtrack. And by comparison, our homes are empty of that. Too often, our soundtrack becomes people screaming on the TV, traffic or even worse - silence.

Bring the music back into your relationship and tell her how you feel, with a song.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Say it With Flowers

Here are some tips for letting her know that you are thinking of her...with flowers.

It used to be that guys thought of flowers on birthdays, anniversaries on when we screwed up. But it doesn't have to be (and shouldn't be) that way. When you give her flowers, she'll think of you every time she sees them.

Be Spontaneous.
You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give flowers. In fact, flowers given for no reason other than "I was thinking of you today" mean much more because they are unexpected.

Try Something New.
Women are interested in a wide variety of flowers and colors. So, when giving roses, consider pink, peach, yellow, white, or assorted colors to catch her attention. And, remember, most women appreciate a beautiful assortment of fresh flowers, as well as roses.

Get More Bloom For The Buck.
The prices of some flowers vary seasonally. Roses, for example, are usually a great value during summer months. In the winter, mixed bouquets may be a better way to go.

Flowers Are Never Boring.
Because of their infinite diversity and unique appeal, flowers never lose their specialness. Each new floral arrangement is a fresh and individual declaration of appreciation -- reflecting positively on your imagination and thoughtfulness.

They say that every woman can remember the last time she got flowers!

Stay in touch -

Mark

Say it With Actions

You've heard the expression "talk is cheap", and it rings true. You can tell her you love her, tell her she's special and that you're glad you married her all you want. But if sit on your rear end all day and do nothing to help, it's just empty talk.

But that's black and white. Let me gray things up for you a bit. Lets say you don't just sit around and do nothing. You pitch in here and there. Or when she asks, you get up and help. Good. That's a start. But you're still not doing all you can do.

This is a two step process, but it's easy.

1. Listen/Observe. She'll say specific things that she needs help with, without coming right out and asking for help. Things like "oh I have to pick up such and such, I can't forget to do that." Or "I can't believe how much there is to get done." Things like that are your clue to get engaged, kick in and help.

2. Don't wait for a specific request to help. It may never come. Offer to pick up such and such, or help with the list. Pay attention to what she has on her plate, and initiate the offer to help.

Listen/Observe and initiate. It will make a huge impact on your relationship!

Stay in touch -

Mark

Say it With Words

We've talked in the past how differently men and women communicate. Our communication styles differ as much as our decorating abilities. But clear, concise communication works, particularly when it comes to expressing your feelings.

This works for both of you. It works for you because you don't have to get into a long elaborate discussion about your feelings and emotions. That's not what this is about.

It works for her because she hears words of affection, respect and appreciation from you, in easy to understand language.

The secret? Keep it short and say what you mean. To start, let's focus on three key areas:

1. Appreciation. Simple words of gratitude. "Hey thanks for helping me with the yard work, I liked having you there." "Wow, what a great meal." "Thanks for picking up my (whatever), that really saved me a bunch of time."

2. Affection. Tell her you love her. "I'm so glad you're my wife." "How did I ever get to be so lucky?" And simplest and best of all, "I love you."

3. Respect. Make sure she understands that you respect her thoughts and opinions. "That's a good thought, I hadn't thought of it that way before." "Good idea." "You're right."

Some of you will have trouble with the last one.

What we're after here is an increase in positive communication. It stimulates the relationship. So tell her how you fell. Use words to do it.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Afternoon Quickie

There was a couple that had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for a little while.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

Have a great weekend.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Thursday's To Do List

This is simple today. There is something I'd like you to do for your wife/girlfriend today.

Text or call her, out of the blue, just to say "I love you."

Oh by the way - that "wife/girlfriend" thing? Yeah, that's an either / or....not both.

Stay in touch -

Mark

1 More on Movember

Here are some quick facts about prostate cancer that every guy needs to know -

It's the 2nd most common form of cancer in men (behind skin cancer).

Men over 50 are most at risk. Other risk factors include high fat diets and being over weight.

Regular screening will help catch it early, which is critical. If you have family history of cancer, you should be getting checked at least every 5 years, but check with your doctor. They'll either do the PSA blood test or the digital rectal exam (which has nothing to do with numbers as I found out).

Men often don't experience symptoms with early prostate cancers. Some later symptoms might include:

* A need to urinate often
* Difficulty starting urination or holding back urine
* Inability to urinate
* Weak or interrupted flow of urine
* Painful or burning ejaculation
* Blood in urine or semen
* Frequent pain or stiffness in lower back, hips, or upper thighs

Here's some good news - sex can actually help deter prostate cancer. "Honey, I know we just did it yesterday, but I'm trying to stay healthy." Yeah, good luck with that one.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Movember

The Mo, slang for mustache, and November come together each year for Movember.

Movember challenges men to change their appearance and the face of men’s health by growing a mustache. The rules are simple, start Movember 1st clean-shaven and then grow a mustache for the entire month. The mustache becomes the ribbon for men’s health, the means by which awareness and funds are raised for prostate cancer. Much like the commitment to run or walk for charity, the men of Movember commit to growing a mustache for 30 days.

The idea for Movember was sparked in 2003 over a few beers in Melbourne, Australia. The plan was simple – to bring the mustache back as a bit of a joke and do something for men’s health.

The Movember mustache has continued to grow year after year, expanding to Canada, the US, UK, New Zealand, Ireland, Spain, South Africa, the Netherlands and Finland.

In 2009, global participation of Mo Bros and Mo Sistas climbed to 255,755, with over one million donors raising $47 Million for Movember’s global beneficiary partners.

For more on this visit www.movember.com

Family

It's been said that “Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice”.

Relationships are tough. I get that. I understand that sometimes, (nearly 50% of the time according to statistics), relationships fail. But here's another quote for you. "Other things may change us, but we start and end with family."

I have two points:

1. This weekend I was talking with a guy who has a 13 year old daughter. He's divorced and there was a time when he didn't see her as much as he wanted to. It tore him up. Recently, things have changed and he is now in a situation where she can visit him more frequently. He told me three times how important that is to him.
My first point is this - failed relationships put a gap between you and your children that you cannot allow to be permanent. Do everything you can to maintain that relationship and be an active part in their life. In the end, you will recognize how important that is.

2. My second point goes back to the quote at the top of the page. Live a life that demonstrates how to live and how to love. Your children will listen to your example far more than they will listen to your words.

Stay in touch -

Mark