Special announcement:
I am backing off the blog for a little while. Why?
Two main reasons:
1. I'm travelling on business and it's practically impossible to get quality Internet time where I am.
2. I want to focus on the development of the book. Your feedback over the past 7 months has been very valuable, and I need to capture a lot of these thoughts before I lose them.
The blog is NOT going away. Just taking a nap.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Happy Father's Day
Ok, I'm a day late, but I don't blog on the weekend. :)
The main theme of this blog and the book to follow is about becoming a better man. And often we focus on being a good husband and partner. But for many, being a good man also means being a good dad.
Here are a few lyrics from a song that you've probably never heard. It's from a guy named Rob Gallion who also has a blog. Rob's words are great reminders for us around Father's Day.
He’s gonna need a Dad to show him how
To throw and bat the ball
He’s gonna need him there for his first bike ride
Ready to catch his fall
He’s gonna need his strength in the dark of night
His praise to know when he’s doing right
Lord, please let him see how a Father’s love should be
So much pops out from that simple verse. But the bottom line is this. Our children are going to learn so much from us, it's almost frightening. They're going to learn how to love (and possibly hate), how to laugh, how to deal with difficult situations, and how to act in relationships. They're going to learn what's good and bad, primarily from you.
Your sons are going to learn what a father looks like.
Your daughters are going to understand what kind of husband they should look for.
What messages are you sending? You're always "on the air". Be careful what you broadcast.
Stay in touch -
Mark
The main theme of this blog and the book to follow is about becoming a better man. And often we focus on being a good husband and partner. But for many, being a good man also means being a good dad.
Here are a few lyrics from a song that you've probably never heard. It's from a guy named Rob Gallion who also has a blog. Rob's words are great reminders for us around Father's Day.
He’s gonna need a Dad to show him how
To throw and bat the ball
He’s gonna need him there for his first bike ride
Ready to catch his fall
He’s gonna need his strength in the dark of night
His praise to know when he’s doing right
Lord, please let him see how a Father’s love should be
So much pops out from that simple verse. But the bottom line is this. Our children are going to learn so much from us, it's almost frightening. They're going to learn how to love (and possibly hate), how to laugh, how to deal with difficult situations, and how to act in relationships. They're going to learn what's good and bad, primarily from you.
Your sons are going to learn what a father looks like.
Your daughters are going to understand what kind of husband they should look for.
What messages are you sending? You're always "on the air". Be careful what you broadcast.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Friday, June 18, 2010
Go Out and Play
Remember when you were a kid and your Mom would tell you to go out and play? Well, I'm telling you the same thing.
I don't care what it is. I don't care where you go or what you do. Just go play.
Take the day off from your work, your chores and everything else that is going on in that busy life of yours and go do something fun.
Let's be clear. I'm not talking about going out after work (although that's good too). And I'm not talking about going out with a bunch of friends or family (also fine in it's own right).
What I'm talking about is the two of you, going out, during a work day, and playing.
The time together, alone is fantastic.
The fun things you'll do will be therapeutic.
Go to an amusement park and ride the rides together or go to an afternoon baseball game. Go to the beach, or lake. Play golf or whatever it is you like to do. The specific activity doesn't matter. What matters is that everything else is left behind and the two of you are having fun....together.
Go.
but Stay in touch -
Mark
I don't care what it is. I don't care where you go or what you do. Just go play.
Take the day off from your work, your chores and everything else that is going on in that busy life of yours and go do something fun.
Let's be clear. I'm not talking about going out after work (although that's good too). And I'm not talking about going out with a bunch of friends or family (also fine in it's own right).
What I'm talking about is the two of you, going out, during a work day, and playing.
The time together, alone is fantastic.
The fun things you'll do will be therapeutic.
Go to an amusement park and ride the rides together or go to an afternoon baseball game. Go to the beach, or lake. Play golf or whatever it is you like to do. The specific activity doesn't matter. What matters is that everything else is left behind and the two of you are having fun....together.
Go.
but Stay in touch -
Mark
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The problem with Utimatums
"Do this or else"!
"It's my way or the highway"!
"If you don't right now, I'm going to "
Simply put - ultimatums suck. I was in a relationship where the ultimatum was (believe it or not) the primary form of negotiation. Seriously. Note the key word from that sentence "was". That relationship is history.
So what's the big deal? What's wrong with an ultimatum?
First, an ultimatum is basically nothing more than manipulation. I'll do more on manipulation in the future, but this is NOT the path to a healthy relationship. In fact, manipulation is abusive.
Ultimatums are aggressive. Now I understand that sometimes you reach a point in a relationship where you need to have a "come to Jesus" discussion and get everything out on the table. But when ultimatums are a part of your regular routine, it isn't conducive to a loving relationship.
Ultimatums are obnoxious and add pressure to an already difficult situation. This escalates the tension rather than working towards a resolution.
Finally, even if you get what you want through this manipulation technique, the resentment factor of your partner has to be considered. This opens the door for retaliation and then the ultimatums become commonplace in your relationship.
I didn't mean to go all Dr. Phil on you - but ultimatums are not healthy.
Stay in touch -
Mark
"It's my way or the highway"!
"If you don't
Simply put - ultimatums suck. I was in a relationship where the ultimatum was (believe it or not) the primary form of negotiation. Seriously. Note the key word from that sentence "was". That relationship is history.
So what's the big deal? What's wrong with an ultimatum?
First, an ultimatum is basically nothing more than manipulation. I'll do more on manipulation in the future, but this is NOT the path to a healthy relationship. In fact, manipulation is abusive.
Ultimatums are aggressive. Now I understand that sometimes you reach a point in a relationship where you need to have a "come to Jesus" discussion and get everything out on the table. But when ultimatums are a part of your regular routine, it isn't conducive to a loving relationship.
Ultimatums are obnoxious and add pressure to an already difficult situation. This escalates the tension rather than working towards a resolution.
Finally, even if you get what you want through this manipulation technique, the resentment factor of your partner has to be considered. This opens the door for retaliation and then the ultimatums become commonplace in your relationship.
I didn't mean to go all Dr. Phil on you - but ultimatums are not healthy.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
What's Your Trigger?
Today I want you to consider something for me. Think about what conversation that you and your partner simply can't get through without arguing.
Is it about money? Sex? A pesky habit that one of you has that annoying the living hell out of the other?
Now that you have "that" conversation in mind, go a little deeper and ask yourself why? Why can't you get through the conversation without arguing?
Here are a few thoughts and some suggestions for making it better:
1. One of you is defensive. This requires a deeper dive yet, to find out why you're defensive about the topic. What are you protecting? What are you afraid of? Admit this to yourself, and then to her. Sometime, when you're not in the middle of the discussion, you can say "I think I understand what I'm uncomfortable with when we talk about money." And explain it. The idea here is that she will be sensitive to your feelings the next time the discussion comes up.
2. One of you is unreasonable. Let's say the conversation is about money. And you're expectation is that you and your wife can do the groceries for $75 a week. You're being unreasonable. She's probably told you so. But if you don't see it, this pattern is going to continue until it adds really heavy rocks to your emotional luggage (See last week's discussion). What you need is a way to calmly say "I don't think you are being reasonable about this - can we get an objective opinion?" The trick is finding someone who is truly objective.
3. It's a simple difference of opinion. Let's face it, you aren't going to see eye to eye on everything. Agree to disagree, but do it in a civil manner, respecting both sides. Be willing to compromise and give a little. Ultimatums are not the product of a healthy relationship.
One last thought: How often to you have these arguments and how many different conversations trigger them? Hopefully it's a topic or two at the most. If you are arguing all of the time, it's a sign of a deeper problem in the relationship and I would encourage you to get some help right away.
In the mean time, think about WHY you're arguing and sort out that issue. It will make life much more peaceful.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Is it about money? Sex? A pesky habit that one of you has that annoying the living hell out of the other?
Now that you have "that" conversation in mind, go a little deeper and ask yourself why? Why can't you get through the conversation without arguing?
Here are a few thoughts and some suggestions for making it better:
1. One of you is defensive. This requires a deeper dive yet, to find out why you're defensive about the topic. What are you protecting? What are you afraid of? Admit this to yourself, and then to her. Sometime, when you're not in the middle of the discussion, you can say "I think I understand what I'm uncomfortable with when we talk about money." And explain it. The idea here is that she will be sensitive to your feelings the next time the discussion comes up.
2. One of you is unreasonable. Let's say the conversation is about money. And you're expectation is that you and your wife can do the groceries for $75 a week. You're being unreasonable. She's probably told you so. But if you don't see it, this pattern is going to continue until it adds really heavy rocks to your emotional luggage (See last week's discussion). What you need is a way to calmly say "I don't think you are being reasonable about this - can we get an objective opinion?" The trick is finding someone who is truly objective.
3. It's a simple difference of opinion. Let's face it, you aren't going to see eye to eye on everything. Agree to disagree, but do it in a civil manner, respecting both sides. Be willing to compromise and give a little. Ultimatums are not the product of a healthy relationship.
One last thought: How often to you have these arguments and how many different conversations trigger them? Hopefully it's a topic or two at the most. If you are arguing all of the time, it's a sign of a deeper problem in the relationship and I would encourage you to get some help right away.
In the mean time, think about WHY you're arguing and sort out that issue. It will make life much more peaceful.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Monday, June 14, 2010
Lessons from WalMart
I love to watch people. Over the weekend I "had" to go to Walmart for something and there are few places better for people watching.
Let me introduce you to Tony, Sherry and their 2 kids (Justin and Brittany). The kids are 4 and 2. Are these really their names? I have no idea. Is that really the ages of the kids? Yeah, pretty close. I only watched them, I didn't stalk them.
As this happened to be one of the "super" Walmarts, Tony and Sherry were shopping for groceries. Well, Sherry was. Tony and Sherry were also watching their 2 active kids. Well, Sherry was. Tony was too busy talking on his cell phone to a buddy.
I know this because Sherry and kids accidentally cut me off a couple of times. She was very apologetic, while Tony went right on talking, following behind, oblivious to the stress that Sherry was dealing with.
And that, my brothers, is the point.
As husbands and fathers it is critical to your relationship that you are focused and engaged with what is going on. Tony's conversation was about how he didn't feel well the night before and how his legs were cramping up. (People who talk on cell phones in public places tend to say too much). This conversation could have waited, while Tony got involved in what was becoming very stressful for his wife.
By the end of the day, I'm sure Sherry was exhausted, and Tony (other than his cramping legs) was probably just fine. If this type of behavior goes on in other aspects of their relationship, serious cracks are going to form. If this was a typical example of their home life - Sherry is doing most of this on her own, and her idiot husband is coasting along.
Be active in the relationship. Be engaged and be a leader, not another kid that is tagging along. Care about what your partner is doing and help.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Let me introduce you to Tony, Sherry and their 2 kids (Justin and Brittany). The kids are 4 and 2. Are these really their names? I have no idea. Is that really the ages of the kids? Yeah, pretty close. I only watched them, I didn't stalk them.
As this happened to be one of the "super" Walmarts, Tony and Sherry were shopping for groceries. Well, Sherry was. Tony and Sherry were also watching their 2 active kids. Well, Sherry was. Tony was too busy talking on his cell phone to a buddy.
I know this because Sherry and kids accidentally cut me off a couple of times. She was very apologetic, while Tony went right on talking, following behind, oblivious to the stress that Sherry was dealing with.
And that, my brothers, is the point.
As husbands and fathers it is critical to your relationship that you are focused and engaged with what is going on. Tony's conversation was about how he didn't feel well the night before and how his legs were cramping up. (People who talk on cell phones in public places tend to say too much). This conversation could have waited, while Tony got involved in what was becoming very stressful for his wife.
By the end of the day, I'm sure Sherry was exhausted, and Tony (other than his cramping legs) was probably just fine. If this type of behavior goes on in other aspects of their relationship, serious cracks are going to form. If this was a typical example of their home life - Sherry is doing most of this on her own, and her idiot husband is coasting along.
Be active in the relationship. Be engaged and be a leader, not another kid that is tagging along. Care about what your partner is doing and help.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Friday, June 11, 2010
Loading Up the Baggage
I was listening to a talk radio show this week and the host was talking about how her husband is "just fed up" with her antics. They've been together about 4 years and he has reached his limit in dealing with the games that she plays.
Let's spend a couple of minutes talking about how this limit gets reached and what we can do to avoid getting to that point.
The relationship starts out brand new and has that "new car smell" for a while and our emotional bags are small and empty. That isn't to say that we don't have baggage from prior relationships, but today I'm focusing specifically on "in relationship baggage".
Over time we tend to notice annoying trends and they go in the little bag. Then the little bag gets too small and we start carrying a tote bag. Disappointments, arguments, character flaws...and that bag gets full and we move to a suitcase.
Game playing (which was admitted by the radio host), lies, rage fill the bag quickly. Repeat offenses add heavy rocks to the bag.
Before long, we can't carry the bag any more and we say "enough".
Have you ever been going on a trip, walking through the airport with crazy heavy luggage? You're not thinking about the fantastic destination at that point. All you want to do is get rid of the luggage.
That's why over 50% of marriages end in divorce. We're dumping the baggage.
The good news is, junk can be taken out of the luggage too. Not as easily, but it can be done. How?
1. Make an agreement to talk about the baggage. This is two sided and sometimes you'll be the one who says "I don't want to carry that" and sometimes you'll be the one who has to apologize and take it back.
2. See rule #1 and be willing to listen. If you've done something that adds weight to the relationship, apologize and do what you can to fix it. You may not be able to "fix" what you did, but you will certainly have the opportunity to stop doing it.
3. See rule #1 and be willing to talk. If you're tired of something and it's weighing you down, say so....nicely.
Most of this is about attitude. If you go into this process with an attitude that says "I don't want to add weight to her emotional baggage", it will go a long way towards making you a better couple.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Let's spend a couple of minutes talking about how this limit gets reached and what we can do to avoid getting to that point.
The relationship starts out brand new and has that "new car smell" for a while and our emotional bags are small and empty. That isn't to say that we don't have baggage from prior relationships, but today I'm focusing specifically on "in relationship baggage".
Over time we tend to notice annoying trends and they go in the little bag. Then the little bag gets too small and we start carrying a tote bag. Disappointments, arguments, character flaws...and that bag gets full and we move to a suitcase.
Game playing (which was admitted by the radio host), lies, rage fill the bag quickly. Repeat offenses add heavy rocks to the bag.
Before long, we can't carry the bag any more and we say "enough".
Have you ever been going on a trip, walking through the airport with crazy heavy luggage? You're not thinking about the fantastic destination at that point. All you want to do is get rid of the luggage.
That's why over 50% of marriages end in divorce. We're dumping the baggage.
The good news is, junk can be taken out of the luggage too. Not as easily, but it can be done. How?
1. Make an agreement to talk about the baggage. This is two sided and sometimes you'll be the one who says "I don't want to carry that" and sometimes you'll be the one who has to apologize and take it back.
2. See rule #1 and be willing to listen. If you've done something that adds weight to the relationship, apologize and do what you can to fix it. You may not be able to "fix" what you did, but you will certainly have the opportunity to stop doing it.
3. See rule #1 and be willing to talk. If you're tired of something and it's weighing you down, say so....nicely.
Most of this is about attitude. If you go into this process with an attitude that says "I don't want to add weight to her emotional baggage", it will go a long way towards making you a better couple.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
How's Your Posture?
My wife and I were at a festival a couple of summers ago. A local chiropractor had a "free" check your posture evaluation. It turned out not to be free, because he only used it to tell us how bad our posture was and how he could fix it.
This isn't that.
What I would like you to think about is your posture towards your partner. And by posture - I mean two things.
First, emotionally. Are you open with her? Do you share your thoughts and feelings without her having to coax it out of you? Are you connected and engaged in things she says and does? Do you show interest in her life, goals and dreams? Or are you closed off, aloof and distant? Do you do her thing and let her do hers? I'm pretty sure that's not what she signed up for. One way you can tell: If you forget things that she says on a regular basis, you're not connected.
Second, physically. Take notice of your body language. Do you touch her? Hold hands? What about when you're together, do you find yourself leaning in towards her or leaning away? When you are together is you body language open and inviting or closed and standoffish?
Here's the key to all of this: Reach out and touch her - emotionally and physically. Be engaged and connected. Open up. It's worth the effort.
Stay in touch -
Mark
This isn't that.
What I would like you to think about is your posture towards your partner. And by posture - I mean two things.
First, emotionally. Are you open with her? Do you share your thoughts and feelings without her having to coax it out of you? Are you connected and engaged in things she says and does? Do you show interest in her life, goals and dreams? Or are you closed off, aloof and distant? Do you do her thing and let her do hers? I'm pretty sure that's not what she signed up for. One way you can tell: If you forget things that she says on a regular basis, you're not connected.
Second, physically. Take notice of your body language. Do you touch her? Hold hands? What about when you're together, do you find yourself leaning in towards her or leaning away? When you are together is you body language open and inviting or closed and standoffish?
Here's the key to all of this: Reach out and touch her - emotionally and physically. Be engaged and connected. Open up. It's worth the effort.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Oops...my mistake.
I was on a conference call.
I was making excellent points.
Nobody was listening. They just kept talking.
I talked louder.
They still ignored me.
I got pissed.
Then it hit me...I had hit the mute button. Argh.
While you've probably never done anything THAT stupid, I'm sure there are times when you get really ticked about something, only to find out it was a misunderstanding or you didn't have all of the facts. Then you had to back peddle and eat crow.
One time, I "caught" a girlfriend on the phone with what I thought was another guy, whispering and laughing. I was jealous. No, I was livid. I made a fool out of myself only to find out that she was talking to her sister. (Who later verified that I was in deed an idiot).
So the point is this - if you're going to take a firm position on something -
be sure you have all of the facts lined up, don't jump to conclusions, don't come across too heavy handed and always be respectful.
As the quote says - may my words be tender and sweet today, for tomorrow I may have to eat them.
Stay in touch -
Mark
I was making excellent points.
Nobody was listening. They just kept talking.
I talked louder.
They still ignored me.
I got pissed.
Then it hit me...I had hit the mute button. Argh.
While you've probably never done anything THAT stupid, I'm sure there are times when you get really ticked about something, only to find out it was a misunderstanding or you didn't have all of the facts. Then you had to back peddle and eat crow.
One time, I "caught" a girlfriend on the phone with what I thought was another guy, whispering and laughing. I was jealous. No, I was livid. I made a fool out of myself only to find out that she was talking to her sister. (Who later verified that I was in deed an idiot).
So the point is this - if you're going to take a firm position on something -
be sure you have all of the facts lined up, don't jump to conclusions, don't come across too heavy handed and always be respectful.
As the quote says - may my words be tender and sweet today, for tomorrow I may have to eat them.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Monday, June 7, 2010
Celebrate Your Love
I realize that today's post reads a little like a Hallmark Card. Sorry for that. :)
It's Peebo Bryson and Roberta Flack and their fantastic song "Tonight, I Celebrate My Love"...
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And that midnight song is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do
Is to get close to you
I've been thinking about what it means to celebrate my love. It can mean many different things to different people, but - when put into action - can have extremely good results. Here are some ways you can celebrate your love -
1. Celebrate - period. Live life like the entire thing is a celebration. I know, we all have responsibilities - work, kids, bills - I get it. But you can still celebrate your life. If you live most days with an attitude of celebration, overall your relationship is going to be great. Smile, laugh, party, listen to music.
2. Celebrate - her. Attitude goes a long way. Celebrate the fact that she is your partner and outwardly demonstrate your appreciation for all that she brings to the relationship. Think of the wedding reception - the party. Keep (or rekindle) that celebration. Celebrate at home, or go out with friends. Pop open the champagne - "just beacause."
3. Celebrate her successes. Whether it's on the job, school, or any other aspect of her life, celebrate with her when things go well or when a milestone is reached. Go out of your way to try and make sure that the things that are important to her are important to you as well.
Do you see the common theme here? Celebrate!!! Enjoy your life together. Make the most of whatever you've go going. Press on through the rough times and celebrate the good times. It will draw you closer.
Stay in touch -
Mark
It's Peebo Bryson and Roberta Flack and their fantastic song "Tonight, I Celebrate My Love"...
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And that midnight song is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do
Is to get close to you
I've been thinking about what it means to celebrate my love. It can mean many different things to different people, but - when put into action - can have extremely good results. Here are some ways you can celebrate your love -
1. Celebrate - period. Live life like the entire thing is a celebration. I know, we all have responsibilities - work, kids, bills - I get it. But you can still celebrate your life. If you live most days with an attitude of celebration, overall your relationship is going to be great. Smile, laugh, party, listen to music.
2. Celebrate - her. Attitude goes a long way. Celebrate the fact that she is your partner and outwardly demonstrate your appreciation for all that she brings to the relationship. Think of the wedding reception - the party. Keep (or rekindle) that celebration. Celebrate at home, or go out with friends. Pop open the champagne - "just beacause."
3. Celebrate her successes. Whether it's on the job, school, or any other aspect of her life, celebrate with her when things go well or when a milestone is reached. Go out of your way to try and make sure that the things that are important to her are important to you as well.
Do you see the common theme here? Celebrate!!! Enjoy your life together. Make the most of whatever you've go going. Press on through the rough times and celebrate the good times. It will draw you closer.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Friday, June 4, 2010
Dyed not Painted
Let's get right to the point today.
The purpose of this blog (and the book that will follow) is to ingrain these concepts of being a better partner, and being more affectionate and romantic into your core principles. I want these things to be dyed into your being, not just painted on the surface.
Too many times we start things that are good for us, and let them drop a few days later. We exercise for a week or so, watch what we eat for a few days and revert back to our old ways without even realizing it.
We have an argument with our spouse about that same old thing - and the argument triggers a change, but it's temporary. And before you know it, the same old habit rears its ugly head - yet again.
Why?
Because the changes are driven by emotion, rather than our core philosophy.
Emotions change and our priorities change with them. But our core philosophies don't change like that. What's right today - was right yesterday and will be right tomorrow. Do what's right over and over, and it becomes a habit.
It's like a golf swing. The more you do it right, the higher probability to you have of doing it right the next time. It's work. It's constant. But the results are truly amazing.
So, if you want this to work, let the principles that I'm communicating with you sink in. Absorb them. Paint fades and chips away. Dye is absorbed and becomes part of the object. Let me encourage you to let these concepts be absorbed into your core principles. You won't regret it.
Stay in touch -
Mark
The purpose of this blog (and the book that will follow) is to ingrain these concepts of being a better partner, and being more affectionate and romantic into your core principles. I want these things to be dyed into your being, not just painted on the surface.
Too many times we start things that are good for us, and let them drop a few days later. We exercise for a week or so, watch what we eat for a few days and revert back to our old ways without even realizing it.
We have an argument with our spouse about that same old thing - and the argument triggers a change, but it's temporary. And before you know it, the same old habit rears its ugly head - yet again.
Why?
Because the changes are driven by emotion, rather than our core philosophy.
Emotions change and our priorities change with them. But our core philosophies don't change like that. What's right today - was right yesterday and will be right tomorrow. Do what's right over and over, and it becomes a habit.
It's like a golf swing. The more you do it right, the higher probability to you have of doing it right the next time. It's work. It's constant. But the results are truly amazing.
So, if you want this to work, let the principles that I'm communicating with you sink in. Absorb them. Paint fades and chips away. Dye is absorbed and becomes part of the object. Let me encourage you to let these concepts be absorbed into your core principles. You won't regret it.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Romantic Songs
Yesterday I suggested that you make a CD or playlist of romantic music. I thought maybe you'd like some suggestions on what to include.
Keep in mind that I have a personal preference for Sinatra...so this list leans heavily towards Ole Blue Eyes.
Dim the lights, here are your results:
All or Nothing at All - Frank Sinatra
At Last - Etta James
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered - Frank Sinatra
Don't Know Much - Arron Neville & Linda Ronstadt
Everything You Do - Marc Anthony
Everything'll Be Alright - Joshua Radin
I Get a Kick Out of You - Frank Sinatra
I Love How You Love Me - Paris Sisters
If I Fell - Evan Rachel Wood (From Across the Universe) or The Beatles
I'll String Along With You - Diana Krall
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
I've Got a Crush on You - Linda Ronstadt
I've Got The World on a String - Frank Sinatra
I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face - Dean Martin
Let's Fall in Love - Frank Sinatra
'S Wonderful - Rod Stewart
The Tender Trap - Frank Sinatra
The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra
They Can't Take That Away From Me -Frank Sinatra
Tonight I Celebrate My Love - Peebo Bryson & Roberta Flack
Truly - Lionel Ritchie
Unforgettable - Nat King Cole
Your Love Amazes Me - John Barry
Come Away With Me - Norah Jones
The Nearness of You - Norah Jones
Add some funk if you are making this list for the bedroom:
Let's Get it On - Marvin Gaye
Can't Get Enough - Barry White (almost anything from Barry will do)
Kiss You All Over - Exile
I could do this all day. The list goes on and on, but at least you have a decent play list to start with.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Keep in mind that I have a personal preference for Sinatra...so this list leans heavily towards Ole Blue Eyes.
Dim the lights, here are your results:
All or Nothing at All - Frank Sinatra
At Last - Etta James
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered - Frank Sinatra
Don't Know Much - Arron Neville & Linda Ronstadt
Everything You Do - Marc Anthony
Everything'll Be Alright - Joshua Radin
I Get a Kick Out of You - Frank Sinatra
I Love How You Love Me - Paris Sisters
If I Fell - Evan Rachel Wood (From Across the Universe) or The Beatles
I'll String Along With You - Diana Krall
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
I've Got a Crush on You - Linda Ronstadt
I've Got The World on a String - Frank Sinatra
I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face - Dean Martin
Let's Fall in Love - Frank Sinatra
'S Wonderful - Rod Stewart
The Tender Trap - Frank Sinatra
The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra
They Can't Take That Away From Me -Frank Sinatra
Tonight I Celebrate My Love - Peebo Bryson & Roberta Flack
Truly - Lionel Ritchie
Unforgettable - Nat King Cole
Your Love Amazes Me - John Barry
Come Away With Me - Norah Jones
The Nearness of You - Norah Jones
Add some funk if you are making this list for the bedroom:
Let's Get it On - Marvin Gaye
Can't Get Enough - Barry White (almost anything from Barry will do)
Kiss You All Over - Exile
I could do this all day. The list goes on and on, but at least you have a decent play list to start with.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Increasing Intimacy
For some, their marriage is a raging fire of intimacy, and for others it's a smoldering mess. For some men - starting the fires of intimacy is like taking a flame thrower to a bunch of dried sticks, and for others is like rubbing two sticks together and hoping for a spark.
Do marriages without intimacy last longer? No...they just SEEM longer.
So what does it take to generate the spark? What are some things you can do to increase intimacy in your relationship?
1. Post it notes. I've talked about this before, but leave a post it note in a few unusual places (on the fridge, on her side of the mirror in the bathroom, on her steering wheel). The notes can say "I love you", "I can't wait to hold you" or a million other things. What they can't say is "don't forget to pick up the dry cleaning."
2. Make a CD or playlist of your favorite songs. These can be songs from your past, songs you've heard on special occasions, etc. A variation on this is to make a playlist of romantic songs that can be played during a nice quiet dinner or intimate time alone.
3. Dance. What!?!? Yup. Grab her in the kitchen (or where ever) and dance to one of those romantic songs. If you're really outgoing, grab her and dance when no music is playing and sing. (No, I haven't lost my mind).
4. Flowers. Cliche? Yes. Effective? Yes. Don't stop at the gas station and pick up some cheap ones. Go to a florist and do it right!
5. Text her randomly with sexy or thoughtful messages. "I can't wait until I get home to show you how much I love you." "I'm thinking about you", etc.
6. Hold hands and touch. This is really important. Hold hands when you're out walking or sitting in the car. Touch each other - and not just when sex is on the agenda. Express affection through touching.
Here's a HUGE tip. We're after a sustained increase in intimacy here, not a flash in the pan. Incorporate these things, and more, into your relationship on a regular basis, and watch the sparks fly!
Stay in touch -
Mark
Do marriages without intimacy last longer? No...they just SEEM longer.
So what does it take to generate the spark? What are some things you can do to increase intimacy in your relationship?
1. Post it notes. I've talked about this before, but leave a post it note in a few unusual places (on the fridge, on her side of the mirror in the bathroom, on her steering wheel). The notes can say "I love you", "I can't wait to hold you" or a million other things. What they can't say is "don't forget to pick up the dry cleaning."
2. Make a CD or playlist of your favorite songs. These can be songs from your past, songs you've heard on special occasions, etc. A variation on this is to make a playlist of romantic songs that can be played during a nice quiet dinner or intimate time alone.
3. Dance. What!?!? Yup. Grab her in the kitchen (or where ever) and dance to one of those romantic songs. If you're really outgoing, grab her and dance when no music is playing and sing. (No, I haven't lost my mind).
4. Flowers. Cliche? Yes. Effective? Yes. Don't stop at the gas station and pick up some cheap ones. Go to a florist and do it right!
5. Text her randomly with sexy or thoughtful messages. "I can't wait until I get home to show you how much I love you." "I'm thinking about you", etc.
6. Hold hands and touch. This is really important. Hold hands when you're out walking or sitting in the car. Touch each other - and not just when sex is on the agenda. Express affection through touching.
Here's a HUGE tip. We're after a sustained increase in intimacy here, not a flash in the pan. Incorporate these things, and more, into your relationship on a regular basis, and watch the sparks fly!
Stay in touch -
Mark
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Drifting....
Just as a follow up on yesterday's comment about relationships drifting...
What's dangerous about this is, it's so subtle. If you take a look at your relationship now, how is it different than a year ago?
What I mean is - how different are you and your partner in your interaction with each other? Do you laugh as often? Do you have as much sex? What is your communication level like? What about your activities...are you stuck in a rut?
Often what happens is a slight modification of one behaviour, then (over time) that new pattern becomes normal. Then another...and another. And before long, you don't do anything together, hardly speak to each other and if you're not careful you are simply room mates sharing a space. Your activities become predictable and you are a different couple, a different entity than you used to be.
I hear you. "Oh that isn't us." Okay good. If so, fantastic. But rather than fluffing it off - take a look at it. Do you touch each other like you used to or only when sex is on the agenda? Are your conversations deteriorating or are they open and engaged? Are you snapping at each other or still patient?
One last thing, then I'm off. What about things you don't say out loud? Do you find yourself rolling your eyes when she's not looking or grumbling under your breath at things she says? Are you less patient with her mistakes? These things (and others) are underlying things that will begin to affect your patterns. They lead to drifting.
Stay in touch -
Mark
What's dangerous about this is, it's so subtle. If you take a look at your relationship now, how is it different than a year ago?
What I mean is - how different are you and your partner in your interaction with each other? Do you laugh as often? Do you have as much sex? What is your communication level like? What about your activities...are you stuck in a rut?
Often what happens is a slight modification of one behaviour, then (over time) that new pattern becomes normal. Then another...and another. And before long, you don't do anything together, hardly speak to each other and if you're not careful you are simply room mates sharing a space. Your activities become predictable and you are a different couple, a different entity than you used to be.
I hear you. "Oh that isn't us." Okay good. If so, fantastic. But rather than fluffing it off - take a look at it. Do you touch each other like you used to or only when sex is on the agenda? Are your conversations deteriorating or are they open and engaged? Are you snapping at each other or still patient?
One last thing, then I'm off. What about things you don't say out loud? Do you find yourself rolling your eyes when she's not looking or grumbling under your breath at things she says? Are you less patient with her mistakes? These things (and others) are underlying things that will begin to affect your patterns. They lead to drifting.
Stay in touch -
Mark
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