More on Predictability

I wanted to follow up on yesterday's topic of sexual predictability. I have 2 additional thoughts.

First, I want to clarify what couples reports as being predictable:
Location: 70%
Sexual Position: 67%
Time of Day: 60%
Duration: 52%
Foreplay: 40%
Day of the Week: 23%

So apparently, sex is like real estate. Location, location, location.
But you can see from this list that it isn't difficult to change things up a little.

The second thought I had about predictability has nothing to do with sex.
I want to challenge you today. What else about your life is this predictable?
Do you have the same routines at home? Do you eat the same meals, sit and watch TV, have very little conversation or activities together, then stumble off to bed? Predictability in these areas can be dangerous too.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Sex...How Predictable is it?

Over time, sex, like many other things, can become less fantastic - and even routine.
We run the risk of falling into patterns or ruts.
We start out with this, change to that, finish with a particular thing and it becomes as exciting as a junior Olympic gymnastics routine, without the triple flip dismount.

A recent survey of over 1000 people, showed that only 19% of people surveyed said that sex was "not predictable at all".

15% - Extremely predictable.
15% - Very predictable.
17& - Predictable.
26% - Somewhat predictable
19& - Not predictable at all
8% - Declined to answer. (Prudes!)

30% are boring each other to climax.

So what can you do to change things up? I thought you'd never ask.
First, talk to your partner and say that you want to spice things up a little in the sack. Here are some ideas.

1. Intentionally change your pattern. Do things in different order.
2. Add new stuff. Read a book, try some new positions. Try some toys, watch a movie, get creative. Note - only do things that both of you are comfortable with.
3. Change the day/time. Hook up in the middle of the day.
4. Change the location. Do it at work, or in the car or in the kitchen or something. Anything so that it isn't predictable.
5. Add some romance. Find/make a nice CD or playlist, light some candles and take it from there.

Spice things up and make loving fun.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Relationship Killers - 3 Quick Hits

Today, I'm going to give you 3 quick reminders of things that can, over time, kill a relationship.

Not Listening
I know how it is. You get intent on watching TV and you don't even realize she's talking. Or you are up to your neck in work and you heard her say something but have no idea what. Stop. Show your partner courtesy by listening closely to what she has to say.

Not Saying “I Love You”
If you think that guys don't say it, then you're an idiot. Tell her that you love her. If this is difficult for you, then your relationship needs help.

Not Doing Nice Things for Your Partner
What? You think it's all about you? Do something nice for her, on a regular basis.

Just some reminders to help keep you close.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Friday Fun Christmas Style

Merry Christmas everybody!

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More (Easy) Ways to Show Love

Here are a few more, very easy ways to increase your romance factor:

1. Hold hands
2. Take showers together
3. Look deeply into your lover’s eyes
4. Always kiss goodbye and goodnight
5. Boast about your mate and your relationship to mutual friends
6. Remember to say thank you (often)
7. Excuse each other’s mistakes
8. Meditate / do devotions together

These are simple, don't take a lot of money or planning, and will increase intimacy between you.

Stay in touch -

Mark

A Woman's Perspective on Good Sex

Ok, this is like sneaking into the other team's locker room and reading their play book. This is good information.

In a recent sex survey of only women - here's what they said:

Good Sex is based on frequency:
56% of women, said couples with a healthy sex life should be having sex a few times a week. 20% said once a week.

Good Sex is based on duration:
39% said 15-29 minutes would suffice and 19% suggested 30-44 minutes.

Good Sex is based on....Good Sex (Regardless of how often or how long)
"The real motor of female sexuality is closeness and connection," one person offered. "Even though I'm not orgasmic during intercourse, I'm still satisfied if there's a closeness and connection."

Another responded "I like a man who takes his time with foreplay and puts you in the right mood."

30% of women preferred their lovemaking to be "slow and sensual," compared to 4% that liked it rough.

"I like when he initiates and it's out of nowhere, not rushed. When he makes me feel pretty and special at that moment."

You've seen their play book. Now, let's go win the game.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Relationship Killers: A Critical Nature

You may have heard that it can be a good thing to offer a little constructive criticism. That may be fine in the workplace, in your golf game or if you're a judge on American Idol. Where it doesn't work so well is with your wife or girlfriend.

Let's be clear on this. Suggestions are good.
Negative remarks, public corrections (especially if you're being critical)...not so much. She's looking for a partner, not a parent.

If this is a constant issue, eventually she will feel self conscious and less comfortable with the relationship. If you have a suggestion, offer it lovingly and be sure to offer more compliments than criticism.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Simple Ways to Show Your Love

Being romantic or affectionate doesn't have to be complicated. In fact, it can be very easy. Here are 10 very easy ways to show her that you love her.

1. Spoil her.
2. As you walk by her, kiss her for no particular reason.
3. Write a note that says "I love you" and put it where she'll find it.
4. Tell her how wonderful she looks.
5. Public displays of affections
6. Be a gentleman, open doors, help her with her coat, etc.
7. Fix her up with a bubble bath.
8. Buy a rose and put it on her pillow.
9. Buy her flowers for no reason.
10.Hold her

This is so easy a caveman could do it.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Friday Fun - A cute WHAT?

An elderly couple met for a romp in the broom closet at the nursing home. They undressed and were about to "get busy". The woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition.

"I should tell you, I have acute angina" she said.
The man replied, "that's good because you have the ugliest breasts I ever seen!"

Have a great weekend.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Help!

It's Christmas time and stress is high. Thursday on the blog I like to "assign" you things to do or give you reminders of how you can be more romantic.

Today's is easy. This Christmas season, lend her a helping hand. Between work, the kids, shopping, wrapping, getting the house ready, etc, etc, etc....she needs some help.

You....be that help. Go.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Sex Survey: Oral and Your "Favorite" Part of Sex

Wednesday is sex day on the blog and lately I've been focusing on sex surveys. I think it's good to know what other people think and feel about sex.

Two VERY interesting results today.

First, it's important to know that nearly 60% of participants in this particular survey were women.

How important is oral sex to your sex life?

42% A nice menu option
34% Essential: It's a dealbreaker
16% I have an oral fixation
5% OK occasionally
2% Not important
1% This mouth will never touch your genitals

92% rated it "favorable" - anything from "nice option" to "I have a fixation".
The survey doesn't differentiate between giving and receiving, so I'm reading these results as going both ways.

Next,

What is the best part of sex?

5. Afterglow
4. The "knowing it's going to happen" before the clothes come off
3. The orgasm
2. Intercourse
1. Foreplay

We can learn from what others have said. Put these 2 results together and learn what's important: Oral and foreplay. You can figure it out from there.
Make her happy guys.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Relationship Killer: History

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.” ~ Wayne Dyer

Here's something for certain: You cannot change the past. You can work to repair damage and you can change your patterns and behaviors to avoid repeating the past. But that event - it happened. Ok, let's more on and build from here.

But people who live in the past find it impossible to move forward. This can impact a relationship in a number of ways. If one of you compares this relationship to previous ones for example. If you have an ex that reacted a certain way to stress, that doesn't mean your current partner will. If an ex burned you with a certain behavior, you can't carry that into this relationship by expecting the same outcome. This relationship is different, so let it be free from past mistakes.

Another trouble area is bringing up past mistakes from this relationship. I know of a couple who got divorced after being married for about 2 years, because "he yelled at me and made me cry on our honeymoon, and I never got over it." Really?

The past is the past, let's let it rest.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Because It's Important to Her (Part 1)

Here are three (of twelve) important qualities for a guy. Why are they important? Because they're important to HER. And...if it's important to her, it should be important to you too.

Reliability – Wow, I could talk about this one all day. Let me sum it up this way. If you say you're going to do something or be somewhere at a specific time - then do it. Be true to your word and follow through. This will insure that she will rely on you for the long haul.

Commitment – Going along with reliability is commitment. Never do anything that may put doubt in her mind about your commitment to her and the relationship. If you're in the relationship for the long haul, then your romantic and sexual focus needs to be on her.

Respect – The Queen of Soul sang it nearly 40 years ago and it's still true today. You have to respect her opinions, position on things, wishes and boundaries. Even if you don't agree with her, you need to show respect.

Deep for a Monday. You can handle it.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Women's Technical Support

A woman writes to the Tech Support department:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry application, which ran flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled other critical programs such as Romance 3.5 and Personal Attention 6. It then installed undesirable programs like Money 5.0 and Football 10.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Note: I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix the problem, to no avail.

Please help!



Have a great weekend.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Chick Flick - Christmas Style

Thursday is homework day, but I promise this isn't going to be painful. Honest.

Score some points with your lady this Holiday by suggesting a little quiet time together watching a Christmas movie.
Need some ideas? Not a problem:

White Christmas. Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney, Vere Ellen.
It's a classic, where Bing and Danny meet the girls and help their old commanding general, who now runs an inn in Vermont. This is a great one and she'll love it.

It's a Wonderful Life. Jimmy Stewart. Jimmy contemplates suicide after losing a ton of money, but an angel shows him the way.

Miracle on 34th Street. Was done in the 40's and remade in the 90's. A man claims to be Santa Claus and gets institutionalized. But a 6 year old little girl never stops believing.

Want to get more modern?

Love Actually (2004) Hugh Grant as the British PM. I've never seen it but it's been called the "best Christmas romance movie you'll ever find." Wow.

Family Man (2000) Nicholas Cage, Tea Leoni, Don Cheadle. It's a comedy and a modern Scrooge story.

There's also any of the versions of Scrooge, and Jim Carrey's Grinch.

Bottom line is this - pick a movie, set aside some time and set up an "in for the night" date night. Get some wine, pop some popcorn, put on the movie and sit close.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Survey says???

Wednesday is "sex" day here on the blog.

I did some research and came across an interesting sex survey for guys.
There were some interesting results:

44% of men said that "sometimes" they wish they had a larger penis.
15% said they wish it was bigger "all the time".
Only 1% said they wished it was smaller.

47% have had sex within the past week, but 18% haven't had sex in over a year.
(Maybe if they had a larger penis....sorry).

29% of men asked, said the neck is the most sensuous part of a woman's body.

And as far as "manscaping" goes - 33% - one third, said it's trimmed nicely, 25% said it's "natural" and 19% are totally shaved.

Ok, well, there ya go. I'll do more surveys in the weeks to come. They're kind of fun.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Relationship Killer: Stress

Kids, bills, debt, work, repairs. You're tired. And just when you think you need a break, it seems to get worse. Life is definitely like that.

Coaches will tell you that when athletes get tired they lose their form and have to be reminded to use their legs, bend their knees or move their feet. As the stress of the game increases, we need reminders to stay focused.

It's the same in life. When the bills pile up and the collectors are calling, when the kids are crying or someone gets hurt, or a window breaks on the coldest day of the year, you (and your wife) feel like you're going to snap.

I don't want to add one more thing to your list, but let me be the coach reminding you of your form.

a) work together not apart
b) lean on each other for support
c) encourage each other

Together you can get through the difficulties of life. You married each other for a reason. Stand strong together. Work as a team, and keep each other's needs in mind.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Christmas Shopping

Everybody is different. I understand that.
Some of you love Christmas shopping. Some of us don't.
Going from store to store, fighting the traffic, fighting the crowds, waiting in line.
Bah. Hum bug.

But, whether it's your favorite thing to do or not, here's something important to remember: When you're out with the wife and family Christmas shopping, be a help, not a grumbling little boy.

It's not going to help if all you do is complain about the time, the lines, the crowds and how much money is being spent. Overall, the stress level will rise and things will only get worse. So here are a few words of wisdom about Christmas shopping:

1. If you're out with young kids, cherish it. They'll grow up and you'll wish you had the time back.

2. If it's just the two of you, make it fun for her. Be pleasant, get engaged with the process and make suggestions.

I overheard a couple who had this conversation:
Dick: Ok, you go look at whatever stupid thing is next on your list, I'm going over here to look at compressors.
Jane: (perturbed) Fine, but don't be long, because we have a lot to get done.

Sound like a fun night out to you? No, me either. Don't be a Dick. Have a good attitude, make it a fun time and she'll appreciate you for it.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Bashing BOTH Sexes...Friday Fun

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes.

Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? A: Sexual harassment.

Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? A: $3.99 a minute.

Q: Why are men and parking spaces alike? A: Because all the good ones are taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Q: What do women think men and floor tiles have in common? A: If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

Q: What is a man's view of safe sex? A: A padded headboard.

Q: How do men sort their laundry? A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

Q: Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? A: The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q:. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony? A: She is the one who can eat the last donut.

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Have a great weekend!

Stay in touch -

Mark

Top 3 Grooming Mistakes for Guys

Guys - let's face it. We're not all cut out to be on the cover of GQ. But that doesn't mean we can't do certain things right. Here are 3 common mistakes we tend to make when grooming.

No.3 - Ignoring nose and ear hair
Whether it's work or romance, you have to look good. And it's distracting and gross to look at overgrown hair protruding from your nose and ears. Use small scissors or battery operated trimmers to take care of the mess.

No.2 - Dirty, uncut nails
It's fairly common to see guys with messed up nails. But fingernails should be clipped short (not too short - ouch), and kept clean. Take the time to wash your hands well and get rid of dirt and grease that may be under your nails.

No. 1 - Using too much hair gel
What's worse than hair that's all over the place? Hair that plastered into position. Hair that crunches when touched. Find a gel that keeps you looking good without making you feel like a Ken doll. Don't use too much gel, just enough to keep things in place.

Hope it helps.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Scheduled Sex?

You're past the point of casual hook ups. Your relationship is past the having sex like rabbits stage. You are in a mature relationship and you have responsibilities. Life is busy. There's work, the kids, the house, social events, and plenty of other demands on your time. When is there time for sex?

So the question today is - should we schedule time for sex? Don't get me wrong. If you're in a routine where it's "on" every Sunday afternoon or something like that - stick with it. What I'm talking about is a little different.

Let's say a couple wants to have sex 3 times a week. Should they schedule it on Tuesdays and Fridays at 10:00, and hope for one other time during the week?

There are ups and downs to this approach (if you pardon the pun). The positive view is that you are setting aside time to be intimate and that's important. The negative view is that there is plenty of room for disappointment. What if you're tired or not in the mood? Will you do it anyway? Is that even right? I mean, obligatory sex sucks, and not in a good way.

I think it's great to schedule a date, go out, have some adult time, come home, send the baby sitter home and get busy. I highly advocate doing this. Setting aside time to spend together is very important. But scheduling sex, I'd be careful.

Stay in touch -

Mark