Sweet Guy

I think that when women talk about wanting a sweet guy, they're looking for someone who is thoughtful and considerate. Someone who takes their feelings, needs and priorities into consideration.

What is doesn't mean is being a sissified, push over. So don't start ripping up your man card just yet.

Being thoughtful and considerate can take many forms:
- Remembering special dates
- Picking up something you know she needs
- Helping without being asked
- Picking up a card or flowers for no particular reason
- Offering a back rub or foot massage out of the blue

This list can go on and on and on. A sweet guy thinks about what is important to his partner then acts on it.

Here's a tangible example. It snowed last night. A lot. My wife needed to drive to work this morning so I went out early and did the driveway and brushed off her car. Big deal, no medals required. My point is this. When I brush off my car, I clear the windshield and windows and drive off. When she clears the car, she brushes all the snow off the hood and top so that the entire car is free from snow. To me, that will all blow off as I go down the road - but whatever. But when I do her car, I do it how she would do it. That's being thoughtful.

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Mark

Do Girls Like Sweet Guys?

I recently saw this posted on a relationship forum that I visit often. Do girls really like sweet guys, or am I just hopeless?

The answer is - yes, girls really do like sweet guys. Don't get caught up in the "nice guys finish last" mentality. Being sweet, loving and romantic still goes a long way in today's society.

One of the replies on the forum said it best - "i would say yes that girls like sweet guys. to me sweet guys are more sensitive, are usually more open to talking about their feelings. i'd rather have a sweet guy, over any other kinda guy."

So how do you increase your "sweet factor"? We'll explore that over the next few days.

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Mark

Can I Get a Witness?

Quick one today.

Do you talk about your partner at work, with your friends or with your family?
If so, what do you say? Is it positive or negative?

I understand that sometimes we need to talk to someone when things are bothering us. But going to your friends and family all the time with negative comments about your partner, casts shadows on her reputation with them.

Also, if you are constantly complaining about her, you are reinforcing and feeding your negative thoughts.

Why not say something positive? And not just about her, but to her.

Choose positive words.

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Mark

New Interest Leads to New Focus

I have a friend who is very seriously considering a new job. And it's a good one.
No...a REALLY good one. He's in that period where the other company hasn't offered him the position yet, but he knows it's coming. And he's lost his focus on his current job. He's lost interest and simply doesn't care as much.

I'm not suggesting that friend has done anything wrong by looking for another job - it's perfectly fine. But the same thing happens in our relationships when someone else catches your eye. Maybe you've cheated or are just on the verge of cheating and all you can do is think of that other person. Your focus is diverted from your partner and the entire picture is clouded.

It's clouded because you've put your interest in someone else above your partner. Now, your partner's flaws are magnified. And every positive or attractive thing is diminished.

It's really important to understand that when you're in that "zone" - the picture you are seeing is distorted. It isn't real. Your new interest has just as many flaws (maybe more). Step back and look at it like you were a spectator, and not a participant. Take an objective view and you will see that the grass isn't greener, it's just a different shade of green.

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Mark

Learning Again From Tiger

A few weeks back we talked about learning from Tiger's mistakes and how cheating can ruin your life.

Today I want us to look at and learn from something really important that Tiger said in Friday's "press conference".

There has been a lot of debate regarding the sincerity of Tiger's speech. I think everyone agrees that he's sorry that he got caught, but not everyone is convinced that he's sorry he cheated.

But what I want to focus on is this quote. (Speaking of his wife) - "My apology to her will not come in the form of words. It will come from my behavior over time."

That was actually the most insightful thing he said during the 13 minutes. You might find yourself in a situation where your relationship is on the rocks. Words are empty now because promise after promise has been broken. Now, the only thing that matters is your behavior. And...not just a flash in the pan change, but long term behavior change.

Unfortunately for many, that is a reality that cannot be avoided. Stick with it. It's worth it in the end.

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Mark

Heaven or Hell?

I heard a story one time about a man who had a dream that he went to Hell. In this dream, the people in Hell were at a table about to eat. Long boards were taped to their arms, with forks tied to the end. They were welcome to eat all they could, but with the boards strapped on, they weren’t able to bend their arms and get the fork to their mouth. The people were bickering, angry, frustrated and most of all – hungry!

Then, still in his dream, the man went to Heaven. He found similar people, sitting at a similar table. The diners also had boards strapped to their arms. But these people had worked out a solution. Instead of trying in vain to feed themselves, they realized that they were better served by feeding their partner across the table, and allowing their partner to feed them in return. By removing their selfishness, they were able to focus on the needs of their partner, and in return get fed all they could eat.

Our lives aren’t any different. If you find yourself in a relationship that is “me first” – whether it’s you or your partner with that attitude – you are heading for trouble and may be in a living hell.

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Mark

Outside Pressures

We all face difficult situations that can add pressure to our relationships. Problems at work, financial difficulty, family problems, illness all can wear us down and make us less willing to participate actively in being a good partner.

But it is important to differentiate between the source of your problems and a key resource for getting through them. What I'm saying is simply - don't take your problems out on your partner. Don't bring your problems from work home and dump all over the family. It's just not cool.

Instead, see your partner and your family as your source of comfort and a resource that provides stability and peace. That's what home is all about.

One final thought - try to remain consistent in your relationship no matter what you're going through. For me, I help a lot around the house, but when I'm stressed I tend to let things go. Frankly I'm allowing my problems to control my behavior - in effect bringing them right into my house. I actually have more control over things if I remain consistent.

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Mark

Putting it in Action

I have provided quite a few ideas for Valentine's Day and romantic nights over the past several weeks, and this weekend I put many of them in action as we celebrated Valentine's Day.

My wife had to work on Saturday. That gave me the opportunity to get everything organized. I picked her up from work and took her to a nice romantic dinner. After dinner we went home where I had a dozen long stemmed red roses, her card and some chocolates. I also had the ingredients ready for chocolate covered strawberries. They didn't turn out like the pictures I saw online, but they were still very good and we had fun making them.

While we were making the strawberries I ran a bubble bath and lit the candles around the tub. I had put champagne on ice and had the champagne glasses from our wedding waiting there too.

Chocolate covered strawberries with champagne, candles and a hot bubble bath was a perfect after dinner treat. Then we watched a romantic comedy in our bedroom. After the movie I told her that I needed her to pack a bag for an overnight trip, but I didn't tell her where we were going.

We were headed someplace cold, and I had pre-packed long johns, hats and gloves just to make sure she had everything she needed. The next morning we hit the road early and about an hour into the drive I let her in on the secret.

So, I combined date night with several romantic ideas and a weekend getaway to make for a fantastic Valentine's Day - without breaking the bank. We had a blast, and laughed all weekend.

I caught her just staring at me several times this weekend. (She loves me).
And she loved her Valentine's Day.

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Mark

Happy Valentine's Day

I've given you some good tips and ideas this past week, that will help you be a popular guy this weekend.

Here's the bottom line. Show her that you love her.
No, scratch that.

Show her that you adore her.

Happy Valentine's Day.

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Mark

Proper Perspective

If we were talking about cars, boats, motor cycles, lawn mowers - or any other mechanical device – we would understand about proper maintenance and how important it is to take care of “her”.

If we were talking about sports, we would understand that it is necessary to work out, to be in shape, to practice and that is necessary to execute a game plan or to build a team that brings about championships.

If we were talking about our careers, it would be clear that we are expected to “show up” every day. We would likely understand our weaknesses and work hard (possibly even take courses) to overcome them.

But when it comes to women, we act as if a veil has been pulled over our eyes and that we are plagued by a mystery is worthy of the DaVinci Code. Maybe we complicate it too much – or maybe we just don’t know how to go about executing the game plan.

Like equipment, sports and careers our relationships need maintenance, we need to work out emotionally and practice, and we need to show up every day and work on our weaknesses. Why would we give less attention to our relationships than we do everything else in our life?

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Mark

Valentine's Date Ideas

Guys we have a bit of an advantage again this year, in that Valentine's Day is on a weekend. That opens up a massive list of ideas that involve getting away for the weekend.

If you are going to plan a weekend get-away and you want to surprise her, then please - think of all of the details ahead of time. I'm not talking about the details of the trip (where you're going, where you're staying and what you'll do). Obviously those are important. But I'm thinking about what details may need to be taken care of around the house. (Who is watching the kids and pets?, etc). If you take care of those details, she'll be able to relax and enjoy the romantic weekend, rather than worry about details at home.

Your weekend get-away should include some romantic time - after all, it IS Valentine's Day. Plan a romantic meal, maybe a couple's massage and some romantic intimate time in the room. By romantic intimate I mean - take your time, it's not a race.

If you aren't planning on getting out of town for the weekend, that's ok. There are still plenty of great ideas to make the night special.

A romantic dinner is a must. You can do is Saturday night if you want, then make her breakfast in bed on Sunday morning.

You can go for a couple's massage, or give her a sensual massage at home.

Run a hot bath full of bubbles and sit in it together enjoying each other closely. Light some candles and put on some soft music. She will think she's dreaming.

Make some chocolate dipped strawberries. When you're done, sit by a fire with a couple of glasses of champagne and enjoy.

Whatever you do - celebrate each other!
Stay in touch -

Mark

Valentine's Day Gift Ideas

With just a few days left before Valentine's Day, you are going to have to get in gear and figure out what you're getting your wife / girlfriend. Here are some ideas:

Chocolate
It's a bit cliche', but chocolate works. I wouldn't make it the focal point of the gift giving, but a small, Valentine's Day themed box of chocolates is a good thing.

Lingerie
Can be a good thing for both of you. You need to know what she likes, what she already has and what will enhance her body. Picking up something that promotes negative features of her body will NOT be a hit.

Jewelry
I haven't met too many women who don't like jewelry. A heart shaped pendant, a bracelet, necklace, ring, ear rings...you get the idea.

Beauty / Health
Stores like The Body Shop, Bath and Body Works, etc carry an endless line of lotions, creams (apparently there is a difference), gels, burning oils, etc. Know what scents she likes and dislikes and go wild. Foot lotions and massage oils are generally a hit. Include a "coupon" for you to give her a nice relaxing massage.
Perfume is a bit cliche' too...I'd stick with the oils, lotions and creams.

Tomorrow we'll look at some date night ideas.

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Mark

Valentine's Day Card

Valentine's Day is less than a week away, and it's time that your planning hits high gear. You will want to make sure you pick up your Valentine's Day card in the next day or two before the good ones are all gone.

But what makes a good Valentine's Day card? That depends. It depends on your relationship, your partner, your style and your 'mushiness factor'. Let's face it, not everyone goes for those syrupy-sweet over the top cards.

Here's what I suggest:

1. Find something that says how you REALLY feel. If you can't find a card, make one. If you're going to make a card, pick out somethings cute or funny from the card store to show that the thought was there, but the store didn't have a card that said exactly what you wanted. (It also doesn't make it look like you forgot and had to make a card to avoid coming up empty).

2. Know what you want to accomplish. Depending on where you are in your relationship, something funny, light and cute may be the right direction. If your relationship is struggling, communicate thoughts of love, commitment and your desire to be together.

3. Don't go too heavy. Again, depending on where you are in the relationship - you want to make sure you communicate your feelings appropriately. For new relationships - be careful that you don't sound like a stalker. For troubled relationships - fine something to express your feelings without sounding like your grovelling. Newlyweds...find something that says you're glad you married her.

4. Don't go too light. If she's looking for some romance, a Hoops and Yo-yo card isn't going to cut it.

5. Get to the store ASAP, before the good cards are all gone.

Tomorrow: Flowers? Candy? We'll look at trends in Valentine's Day gift giving.

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Mark

Super Bowl Bound?

“Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be. There’s a shadow hanging over me. Oh yesterday came suddenly.”
John Lennon & Paul McCartney (Yesterday, The Beatles)

Well it's Super Bowl weekend, and odds are you're going to participate in some form of festivities around the game between the Colts and the Saints. Even if you're not really into football, you're going to be bombarded with Super Bowl mania all weekend.

Many of us grew up fantasizing about being a sports hero. We spent our childhood dreaming about being the guy who leads the game winning drive to cap off a come from behind Super Bowl victory.

Unfortunately, reality has a way of interjecting itself into our lives and very few of us ever get a chance to live out that dream. We wake up one day, “half the man” we thought we’d be.

But those who think it through realize that heroes are found in many walks of life, not just on the playing field. Those who really have it together understand that one of the best places to be a hero is at home – especially with the one you love the most.

Champions and heroes have discipline and strive to be the best every time they step on the field. We need to do the same.

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Mark

(Go Colts)!

It's Complicated

Have you seen the movie with Meryll Streep, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin? Wow, things really can get complicated in a relationship. But the good news, it doesn't have to be that way.

Let's keep it simple. Relationships don't have to be complicated. Tenets like love, respect and honesty are the framework of any good relationship. Communicate open and honestly, without game playing - and you're well on your way to a non-complicated relationship.

However...(the scene darkens and the music changes to a minor key).

Dishonesty, manipulation, game playing, cheating, anger (and countless other negative influences) add baggage and layers of muck that we need to sift through in order see what's real. When you have to decipher whether your partner's statements are truthful or not - it gets complicated. When you act a certain way in order to control how your partner acts or lives - it gets complicated.

The bad news is, unlike your PC, you can't just reboot your relationship and have it be instantly better. Relationship repair is more akin to skiing uphill. It's a lot of work, and a lot harder to get back up, once you've slid down.

Keep it simple.

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Mark

Don't Be a Donkey

Let's face it. When you think of a majestic beautiful animal, you probably don't think of a donkey. Donkeys are stubborn and not overly bright. And while these are two characteristics I'd like to see you avoid, there are are two other specific types of donkeys that I want you to avoid at all cost.

Don't be an Eeyore. Remember that donkey from Winnie the Pooh? Forget about seeing the glass “half empty”, Eeyore saw it cracked, half empty, dirty and leaking. Then he would likely add a comment like “no matter, I probably wouldn’t like the taste of it anyhow.” Nobody enjoys the company of a person who is always down on life, seeing the worst in people and finding something to complain about in every situation. Be positive and up beat. You will live longer and enjoy life more – and you will be a lot more fun to be with. Smile! :)

Don't be a Donkey. Remember that donkey from Shrek? He was annoying, intrusive and obnoxious. I'm not trying to be a buzzkill...the move was funny and Donkey was a main part of that. But in real life relationships, being over bearing is not cool.

Summary: Stay positive and in control.

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Mark

Her Greatest Fan

You may be more familiar with the Goo Goo Dolls version, but for me, I will always be a fan of Edwin McCain's version of I'll Be.

I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

Some of you who are reading this find yourself in a bad spot in your relationship.
If your relationship was a car, you'd have some kind of warning light on the dashboard. But let me encourage you. Don't give up. Keep fighting back. Become her greatest fan.

Think about what it means to be her greatest fan. I'm a HUGE Peyton Manning fan. I watch every game, wear his jersey, watch his press conferences, have his picture in my office. If he came to my house I would drop everything to visit with him.
Apply those things to your wife / partner (except perhaps wearing her clothes).
Do you have a picture of your wife / partner in your office, or on your computer?
Do you show genuine interest in the things she does? How was her day at work? How's her family? What's on her mind today?
What's her favorite dessert? If you were her greatest fan, you'd know.
For the record: I do not know Peyton Manning's favorite dessert. :)

Tune in to her, pay attention to what she's saying. LISTEN. STAY FOCUSED.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Buy Her a Rose

Here's a unique Valentines Day idea: Buy her a single red rose every day - beginning today. Granted, some will look pretty rough by the 14th, but you can replace the dead (or soon to be dead) ones on the Saturday night before Valentines Day.

She will love that you put thought into the idea, and came up with something unique.

Often, we miss the boat when it comes to providing the things that make our wife / partner happy. Sometimes we focus so much on the material things that we miss out on the key points that really touch deeply within her.

As the Kenny Rogers songs puts it:

Buy me a rose,
Call me from work
Open a door for me,
What would it hurt
Show me you love me
By the look in your eyes
These are the little things
I need most in my life.

Today is a perfect time to start!

Stay in touch -

Mark