A man comes in from running errands and finds his wife hunched over a short mop with only an 18" handle, trying to clean the kitchen floor.
"What are you doing"? he asked. "You look ridiculous."
"You could stand there and criticize me, or you could go to the store and by me a mop with a proper handle" she snapped. "I could do that" he said "or I could just do this - " as he took the mop from her and pulled out the telescoping handle to make it full length.
"Oh that's great" she said. "too bad your penis doesn't do that."
"Maybe it does" was his reply. "Maybe you don't know how to use that either!"
Have a great weekend,
Stay in touch -
Mark
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Good Sex
Our sex week continues...
We've talked about frequency and duration of sex - now let's talk about quality.
Sex is like tennis. It's a lot more fun when both people playing are at the same skill level.
In simple terms, sex is good when both people are satisfied. It's not just about you guys, it's about pleasing her and letter her please you. Here are 5 ways to improve your sex life:
1. Communicate. Talk to each other about what makes you hot, and what you don't like. Talk about how long it lasts, what you do, where you do it and how you do it. Talk about it between times when you're having sex and during sex. Cue the music: Let's Talk About Sex. Hint: Don't talk about sex right after sex. This isn't a performance review.
2. Give yourself time. When you're having sex, don't rush. You don't have to jump right to it. Explore, massage, kiss. Foreplay is like Nike - Just Do It.
3. Add some variety. Don't always do the same things, in the same order. Change it up a little. Have one session where it's everything but intercourse. Try some new positions, toys, etc.
4. Exercise. Your overall physical stamina will impact your stamina in the bedroom.
5. Cut loose. Use fantasies or "talking dirty" so that sometimes it's just raunchy sex. But then understand guys, sometimes you are making love, sometimes you are having sex and THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.
I hope this helps.
Stay in touch -
Mark
We've talked about frequency and duration of sex - now let's talk about quality.
Sex is like tennis. It's a lot more fun when both people playing are at the same skill level.
In simple terms, sex is good when both people are satisfied. It's not just about you guys, it's about pleasing her and letter her please you. Here are 5 ways to improve your sex life:
1. Communicate. Talk to each other about what makes you hot, and what you don't like. Talk about how long it lasts, what you do, where you do it and how you do it. Talk about it between times when you're having sex and during sex. Cue the music: Let's Talk About Sex. Hint: Don't talk about sex right after sex. This isn't a performance review.
2. Give yourself time. When you're having sex, don't rush. You don't have to jump right to it. Explore, massage, kiss. Foreplay is like Nike - Just Do It.
3. Add some variety. Don't always do the same things, in the same order. Change it up a little. Have one session where it's everything but intercourse. Try some new positions, toys, etc.
4. Exercise. Your overall physical stamina will impact your stamina in the bedroom.
5. Cut loose. Use fantasies or "talking dirty" so that sometimes it's just raunchy sex. But then understand guys, sometimes you are making love, sometimes you are having sex and THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.
I hope this helps.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Why Aren't You Having Sex?
This week's blog has been all about sex. It reminds me of a Rodney Dangerfield line: "Sex, sex, sex - everywhere you turn it's sex, sex, sex. I've had it. Not lately though."
So - why not?
The statistics we shared say that on average people are doing it approximately 2 to 4 times a week for ideally around 10 to 13 minutes (of actual intercourse time). If you are in a relationship and you aren't in this range, what's up? Here are a few common reasons people aren't wearing out the sheets:
1. You're too busy / tired. I get it. Life sometimes gets hectic. Between the kids, the job, soccer, hockey, dance, swimming, gymnastics, going to the gym, cleaning, you name it - you simply don't have the energy for fun in the sack. By the end of the day you're beat. So, shoot for earlier in the day, when you still have some energy. Try to work your schedule around sex for a little while. Plan some time for you, it's really important.
2. You don't like your body. Many woman (and men too if we would admit it) will withdrawal sexually if they feel uncomfortable naked. What they don't understand is, as guys - it doesn't bother us. We need to work hard to make sure they understand that they don't have to look like a super model to be hot.
3. Your bed isn't "sexy". Beds used to be for sex and sleeping. Now we bring our laptops to bed, our PDA's and it's just an extension of the office or the rest of the house. Make the bed a demilitarized zone, keep it for just the two of you.
4. Problems in the relationship. I know a guy who was married almost 20 years. His last year of marriage, he and his wife has sex ONCE in that entire year. If you're constantly being turned down in bed, you may need to find out what the underlying problem is. It could be she's getting it somewhere else or is now really turned off by the idea of getting with you. Find out why.
There are lots of other reasons why people don't have sex as often as they used to. Let's focus on making the most of our opportunities, and doing it well.
Stay in touch -
Mark
So - why not?
The statistics we shared say that on average people are doing it approximately 2 to 4 times a week for ideally around 10 to 13 minutes (of actual intercourse time). If you are in a relationship and you aren't in this range, what's up? Here are a few common reasons people aren't wearing out the sheets:
1. You're too busy / tired. I get it. Life sometimes gets hectic. Between the kids, the job, soccer, hockey, dance, swimming, gymnastics, going to the gym, cleaning, you name it - you simply don't have the energy for fun in the sack. By the end of the day you're beat. So, shoot for earlier in the day, when you still have some energy. Try to work your schedule around sex for a little while. Plan some time for you, it's really important.
2. You don't like your body. Many woman (and men too if we would admit it) will withdrawal sexually if they feel uncomfortable naked. What they don't understand is, as guys - it doesn't bother us. We need to work hard to make sure they understand that they don't have to look like a super model to be hot.
3. Your bed isn't "sexy". Beds used to be for sex and sleeping. Now we bring our laptops to bed, our PDA's and it's just an extension of the office or the rest of the house. Make the bed a demilitarized zone, keep it for just the two of you.
4. Problems in the relationship. I know a guy who was married almost 20 years. His last year of marriage, he and his wife has sex ONCE in that entire year. If you're constantly being turned down in bed, you may need to find out what the underlying problem is. It could be she's getting it somewhere else or is now really turned off by the idea of getting with you. Find out why.
There are lots of other reasons why people don't have sex as often as they used to. Let's focus on making the most of our opportunities, and doing it well.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Normal Sex Duration
Well, it's apparently sex week on the blog.
These results may surprise you. They did me.
Penn State Erie researchers Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani conducted a survey of 50 full members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, which include psychologists, physicians, social workers, marriage/family therapists and nurses who have collectively seen thousands of patients over several decades.
The group rated a range of time amounts for sexual intercourse,that they considered adequate, desirable, too short and too long. These times pertain to actual intercourse, not including foreplay or anything else.
The average therapists' responses defined the ranges of intercourse activity times: "adequate," from 3-7 minutes; "desirable," from 7-13 minutes; "too short" from 1-2 minutes; and "too long" from 10-30 minutes. Past research has found that a large percentage of men and women, who responded, wanted sex to last 30 minutes or longer.
But here's the thing. The amount of time spent becomes less important if both you and your partner are completely satisfied by the time it's over. Several sex therapists recommend that you don't even pay attention to how long you spend in the bedroom. It's the Nike approach to sex - just do it. I have to laugh at the term "adequate". I can just picture it now. Sex is over, your wife turns to you and says "well, that was adequate." Yay.
But I'm here to encourage men to improve their relationships, so let me say this.
Time matters in this regard: If you didn't last long enough to satisfy your woman, then you didn't last long enough. If, when you make the bed again, she's happy - then odds are, it lasted long enough.
One last thought - talk about it together. She will have very specific thoughts on the subject. Be ready for some frank and honest talk if you bring it up.
Stay in touch -
Mark
These results may surprise you. They did me.
Penn State Erie researchers Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani conducted a survey of 50 full members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, which include psychologists, physicians, social workers, marriage/family therapists and nurses who have collectively seen thousands of patients over several decades.
The group rated a range of time amounts for sexual intercourse,that they considered adequate, desirable, too short and too long. These times pertain to actual intercourse, not including foreplay or anything else.
The average therapists' responses defined the ranges of intercourse activity times: "adequate," from 3-7 minutes; "desirable," from 7-13 minutes; "too short" from 1-2 minutes; and "too long" from 10-30 minutes. Past research has found that a large percentage of men and women, who responded, wanted sex to last 30 minutes or longer.
But here's the thing. The amount of time spent becomes less important if both you and your partner are completely satisfied by the time it's over. Several sex therapists recommend that you don't even pay attention to how long you spend in the bedroom. It's the Nike approach to sex - just do it. I have to laugh at the term "adequate". I can just picture it now. Sex is over, your wife turns to you and says "well, that was adequate." Yay.
But I'm here to encourage men to improve their relationships, so let me say this.
Time matters in this regard: If you didn't last long enough to satisfy your woman, then you didn't last long enough. If, when you make the bed again, she's happy - then odds are, it lasted long enough.
One last thought - talk about it together. She will have very specific thoughts on the subject. Be ready for some frank and honest talk if you bring it up.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Monday, October 25, 2010
Are You Keeping "Up" with the Joneses Sexually?
Here are some interesting statistics about sex frequency. You can use this to see how you measure up.
ha, see what I did there? measure...awww forget it.
According to The Chopra Center (Deepak Chopra's wellness site) here's how frequently people you know are getting it on - on average:
When it comes to sex, the only rule is that both partners are willing and enthusiastic participants. It is not uncommon for a man’s sex drive to be stronger than a woman’s, due to both social conditioning and hormones.
In studies on sexual frequency...here are some averages.
Sixteen to twenty years olds have sex on average 3.7 times per week.
Between twenty-one and twenty-five years of age, three times a week is average.
Between twenty-six and thirty, 2.6 times per week is the norm.
Between thirty-one and thirty-five, the frequency drops to 2.3
By forty years of age, couples are having sex twice a week on average.
Duration of the relationship also plays a part. Studies show that the longer you've been together, the less often you do it.
Here's a key point: If you fall into or near this range of sexual activity. You should focus on quality, rather than worrying about quantity.
But several questions remain:
1. How long are people having sex?
2. Reasons for not having sex this often?
3. What do I mean by quality?
Hmm...sounds like we'll have some stuff to talk about this week.
Stay in touch -
Mark
ha, see what I did there? measure...awww forget it.
According to The Chopra Center (Deepak Chopra's wellness site) here's how frequently people you know are getting it on - on average:
When it comes to sex, the only rule is that both partners are willing and enthusiastic participants. It is not uncommon for a man’s sex drive to be stronger than a woman’s, due to both social conditioning and hormones.
In studies on sexual frequency...here are some averages.
Sixteen to twenty years olds have sex on average 3.7 times per week.
Between twenty-one and twenty-five years of age, three times a week is average.
Between twenty-six and thirty, 2.6 times per week is the norm.
Between thirty-one and thirty-five, the frequency drops to 2.3
By forty years of age, couples are having sex twice a week on average.
Duration of the relationship also plays a part. Studies show that the longer you've been together, the less often you do it.
Here's a key point: If you fall into or near this range of sexual activity. You should focus on quality, rather than worrying about quantity.
But several questions remain:
1. How long are people having sex?
2. Reasons for not having sex this often?
3. What do I mean by quality?
Hmm...sounds like we'll have some stuff to talk about this week.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Friday, October 22, 2010
After the Office Party
Henry woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's a jerk," Henry said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said Henry.
"I did." Louise said. "You're back at work on Monday."
Enjoy the weekend.
Stay in touch -
Mark
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's a jerk," Henry said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said Henry.
"I did." Louise said. "You're back at work on Monday."
Enjoy the weekend.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Baggage
Have you seen the latest Jerry Springer led show? It's on the Game Show Network and it's called "Baggage". The concept of the show is that there are 3 contestants, each with 3 secrets that get revealed throughout the show.
"I stole my grandmother's credit card."
"I cheated on my girlfriend...with her sister."
"I laugh like a hyena when I drink."
Some, as you can see, are silly. Others are really problematic.
As they go through the game, contestants are eliminated until one remains. Then, the person looking for a partner reveals his or her own secret, and the person who stole from their grandmother has to decide if they can live with the other person's baggage. If so, they get to go on an expense paid date and presumably start a baggage filled life together. If not, you pretty much just wasted a half hour of your life.
It's like watching a train wreck.
But it's also representative of why relationships fail. The difference is - instead of your baggage being revealed all at once - it accumulates throughout the course of the relationship.
"You never listen when I have a problem."
"You are more interested in things than you are in me."
"We never do anything together."
"I can't talk to you any more."
And the baggage accumulates, and one of you decides you can't carry it all any more. And the train wreck starts to hit home.
The key to not having this happen is to break the negative cycle.
LISTEN! If you are told things like "you never..." or "you always...", you need to get serious about this and honestly and objectively think it through. Is there a chance she's right and you "always do..." or "never do..."? Even if the words 'always' and 'never' aren't 100% accurate, take the message to heart and break the cycle. Keep the train on the tracks.
Stay in touch -
Mark
"I stole my grandmother's credit card."
"I cheated on my girlfriend...with her sister."
"I laugh like a hyena when I drink."
Some, as you can see, are silly. Others are really problematic.
As they go through the game, contestants are eliminated until one remains. Then, the person looking for a partner reveals his or her own secret, and the person who stole from their grandmother has to decide if they can live with the other person's baggage. If so, they get to go on an expense paid date and presumably start a baggage filled life together. If not, you pretty much just wasted a half hour of your life.
It's like watching a train wreck.
But it's also representative of why relationships fail. The difference is - instead of your baggage being revealed all at once - it accumulates throughout the course of the relationship.
"You never listen when I have a problem."
"You are more interested in things than you are in me."
"We never do anything together."
"I can't talk to you any more."
And the baggage accumulates, and one of you decides you can't carry it all any more. And the train wreck starts to hit home.
The key to not having this happen is to break the negative cycle.
LISTEN! If you are told things like "you never..." or "you always...", you need to get serious about this and honestly and objectively think it through. Is there a chance she's right and you "always do..." or "never do..."? Even if the words 'always' and 'never' aren't 100% accurate, take the message to heart and break the cycle. Keep the train on the tracks.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
5 Ways to Turn Her On!
I originally called this Romantic Ideas, but honestly, I didn't want to scare anyone away. So - let's forget about calling it romance for now. Let's just say here are 5 ways you can turn her on. Go for it.
1. Make a love song music mix CD and take into the bedroom. Go old school with "Let's Get it On" (Marvin Gaye) and "Kiss you All Over" (Exile). "No Ordinary Love" (Sade) is also a good one. If you don't have the means or the skills to make a CD, go buy one.
2. Get some massage oil and offer her a romantic massage. Set this up ahead of time. Clear the schedule to avoid interruptions. Run her a nice bath, give her a nice relaxing soak time and finish it off with a slow full body massage. Yes, sir - I said full body. You're welcome.
3. Get some foot cream and offer to massage her feet after a rough day. Sorry, just the feet. Help her relax and unwind, she'll appreciate it.
4. Dance. What?! Yup, put on that nice CD you made or bought and dim the lights and slow dance, just the two of you.
5. Surprise her with date night. Pick two or three of her favorite things and arrange a night out. Start with dinner or drinks at a place she likes, go to a show, shopping or whatever else she enjoys. Remember how you tried to impress her back when you were trying to get laid? Yeah....like that.
Let me know how it goes.
Stay in touch -
Mark
1. Make a love song music mix CD and take into the bedroom. Go old school with "Let's Get it On" (Marvin Gaye) and "Kiss you All Over" (Exile). "No Ordinary Love" (Sade) is also a good one. If you don't have the means or the skills to make a CD, go buy one.
2. Get some massage oil and offer her a romantic massage. Set this up ahead of time. Clear the schedule to avoid interruptions. Run her a nice bath, give her a nice relaxing soak time and finish it off with a slow full body massage. Yes, sir - I said full body. You're welcome.
3. Get some foot cream and offer to massage her feet after a rough day. Sorry, just the feet. Help her relax and unwind, she'll appreciate it.
4. Dance. What?! Yup, put on that nice CD you made or bought and dim the lights and slow dance, just the two of you.
5. Surprise her with date night. Pick two or three of her favorite things and arrange a night out. Start with dinner or drinks at a place she likes, go to a show, shopping or whatever else she enjoys. Remember how you tried to impress her back when you were trying to get laid? Yeah....like that.
Let me know how it goes.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
What Men Can Learn About Sex....From Brett Favre
Clearly not all of Brett Favre's passes are completions. And, in this case, it appears some got intercepted. So now we've been hearing about big Brett trying to seduce a member of the NY Jets media team, by sending her texts and pictures of little Brett. Let's just say, some things are better left to the imagination. His success as a quarterback is attributed to his arm, not necessarily other parts of his body and by that I mean - his brain.
So what can we "mere mortals" learn from this? A few things:
1. Don't be an idiot. You got the hots for someone at work (and you're married or in a relationship), leave it alone. Don't leave repetitive phone messages and what ever you do, don't pull out Mr Happy and snap pictures of it. Here's a good rule: NEVER send pictures of "yourself" to a woman...especially unsolicited.
2. No matter who you are, no means no. It doesn't seem like Brett physically forced himself on anyone (other than the unsolicited pics), but just because you have a high opinion of yourself, doesn't mean everyone else does.
3. Home is still the priority. If little Brett was lonely, maybe - I don't know - this is crazy - Mrs. Favre could have come by the hotel? Focus on fulfilling your sexual role at home - for most, that's a hard enough task to accomplish without going outside for extra-curricular activity.
Here's the good news about this story. Now I've found something that annoys me about Brett Favre more than his waffling back and forth about retiring. Brett should retire as a auto-photographer, that's for sure.
Stay in touch -
Mark
So what can we "mere mortals" learn from this? A few things:
1. Don't be an idiot. You got the hots for someone at work (and you're married or in a relationship), leave it alone. Don't leave repetitive phone messages and what ever you do, don't pull out Mr Happy and snap pictures of it. Here's a good rule: NEVER send pictures of "yourself" to a woman...especially unsolicited.
2. No matter who you are, no means no. It doesn't seem like Brett physically forced himself on anyone (other than the unsolicited pics), but just because you have a high opinion of yourself, doesn't mean everyone else does.
3. Home is still the priority. If little Brett was lonely, maybe - I don't know - this is crazy - Mrs. Favre could have come by the hotel? Focus on fulfilling your sexual role at home - for most, that's a hard enough task to accomplish without going outside for extra-curricular activity.
Here's the good news about this story. Now I've found something that annoys me about Brett Favre more than his waffling back and forth about retiring. Brett should retire as a auto-photographer, that's for sure.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Monday, October 18, 2010
What Men Can Learn About Sex....from NASCAR?
I know men, we don't like to admit that there is ANYTHING we could learn about sex. But what's the point of good sex anyhow? To create a loving and satisfying experience for BOTH of you. If you're good at it, you will please HER first.
So what does this have to do with NASCAR? Several things:
1. Dale Jr, (in the 88 Amp Energy Drink Chevy Impala) should be our model, our hero when it comes to sex. Why? He hardly ever finishes first.
2. Pit stops should last more than 12 seconds.
3. Following too close is a good thing. :)
4. Two across down the straight away is ok, going 3 wide is dangerous.
5. Like NASCAR, doing the same thing over and over is boring. Spice things up a little.
6. Protective gear is important! Wear a "helmet". The fire suit is over the top.
Get the point? Treat her right and focus on her needs and be a hero in the bedroom.
I'm so glad I didn't need a Dick Trickle reference. (He's a retired NASCAR driver).
Stay in touch -
Mark
So what does this have to do with NASCAR? Several things:
1. Dale Jr, (in the 88 Amp Energy Drink Chevy Impala) should be our model, our hero when it comes to sex. Why? He hardly ever finishes first.
2. Pit stops should last more than 12 seconds.
3. Following too close is a good thing. :)
4. Two across down the straight away is ok, going 3 wide is dangerous.
5. Like NASCAR, doing the same thing over and over is boring. Spice things up a little.
6. Protective gear is important! Wear a "helmet". The fire suit is over the top.
Get the point? Treat her right and focus on her needs and be a hero in the bedroom.
I'm so glad I didn't need a Dick Trickle reference. (He's a retired NASCAR driver).
Stay in touch -
Mark
Friday, October 15, 2010
Pants and Panties
A couple had just returned home from their honeymoon when the new husband tossed his pants to his bride and says "honey, try these on." She takes one look at his pants and her small frame and says "sweetie, there is no way I could wear your pants."
"Good" he replied, "Always remember that. I wear the pants in this family."
The wife then tossed him her panties and asked him to try them on.
"Ha!" he laughed. "There's no way I can get into your panties."
"Right" she replied, "and it will stay that way if you don't lose your attitude!"
Happy Friday everybody.
Stay in touch -
Mark
"Good" he replied, "Always remember that. I wear the pants in this family."
The wife then tossed him her panties and asked him to try them on.
"Ha!" he laughed. "There's no way I can get into your panties."
"Right" she replied, "and it will stay that way if you don't lose your attitude!"
Happy Friday everybody.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Best Laid Plans
A final serious thought about the wedding.
Weddings obviously mark the beginning of a life that is intended to last "'til death do us part." But statistically, around half of the marriages don't last. The reasons are countless. Countless too, are the emotions you can observe at different stages of the wedding and reception.
The father of bride walks his "little girl" down the isle. The mother of the bride stresses over....just about everything. Many of the guys can't wait for the service to be over, so we can get to the open bar. The girls at the wedding are soaking it all in - either dreaming of their day, or remembering what is was like for them.
Which brings me to the point of today's blog. During the groom's speech, he was talking about how in love he was, how happy she makes him and how he will love her forever. I looked around the room and saw one woman crying. She had heard those words too, at her wedding not long before. Except now, she's at this wedding alone, while her ex-husband is out goofing off with another woman.
What happened? It's only been a couple of years.
I remember how happy I was.
We had such a good thing going, what went wrong?
If you don't take anything else with you from what I write, take this.
Marriage is hard work and it IS NOT based on emotion. Go back to Monday's post about love being a choice. We must work at this and choose to make it work.
I'm writing a book on relationships for men. There are tons of tips and things that you can do to sweep your woman off her feet. But ultimately, it comes down to you and her making a decision to make it work. And in the end, it's worth it.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Weddings obviously mark the beginning of a life that is intended to last "'til death do us part." But statistically, around half of the marriages don't last. The reasons are countless. Countless too, are the emotions you can observe at different stages of the wedding and reception.
The father of bride walks his "little girl" down the isle. The mother of the bride stresses over....just about everything. Many of the guys can't wait for the service to be over, so we can get to the open bar. The girls at the wedding are soaking it all in - either dreaming of their day, or remembering what is was like for them.
Which brings me to the point of today's blog. During the groom's speech, he was talking about how in love he was, how happy she makes him and how he will love her forever. I looked around the room and saw one woman crying. She had heard those words too, at her wedding not long before. Except now, she's at this wedding alone, while her ex-husband is out goofing off with another woman.
What happened? It's only been a couple of years.
I remember how happy I was.
We had such a good thing going, what went wrong?
If you don't take anything else with you from what I write, take this.
Marriage is hard work and it IS NOT based on emotion. Go back to Monday's post about love being a choice. We must work at this and choose to make it work.
I'm writing a book on relationships for men. There are tons of tips and things that you can do to sweep your woman off her feet. But ultimately, it comes down to you and her making a decision to make it work. And in the end, it's worth it.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
A Pinky Swear
This past weekend, prior to the wedding, my wife and I had dinner with great friends of ours. They were telling us about some plans that they have, and how they are going about reaching their goals.
They have agreed on a "two year window" to accomplish something significant. This is something that would affect their whole family, and they are focused on getting this done. Their commitment to each other was: A pinky swear.
I love this.
There are several excellent relationship things here. First, they agreed on a common goal. They set a reasonable time frame to reach the goal. And they pinky swore. Who doesn't love a good pinky swear? It's simple, cute and is something they specifically remember doing in a commitment to one another on this goal.
One of the key things I want to touch on about this is their two year window. Windows, or time frames for getting things done, are interesting. If you make them too short, you will find yourself under extreme pressure to reach your goal. But if you make it too long, it becomes easily forgotten. In this case, for this goal, they nailed it.
Here is a perfect example of a couple agreeing on goals, setting reasonable timing and sealing the commitment with a solemn pinky swear.
Stay in touch -
Mark
They have agreed on a "two year window" to accomplish something significant. This is something that would affect their whole family, and they are focused on getting this done. Their commitment to each other was: A pinky swear.
I love this.
There are several excellent relationship things here. First, they agreed on a common goal. They set a reasonable time frame to reach the goal. And they pinky swore. Who doesn't love a good pinky swear? It's simple, cute and is something they specifically remember doing in a commitment to one another on this goal.
One of the key things I want to touch on about this is their two year window. Windows, or time frames for getting things done, are interesting. If you make them too short, you will find yourself under extreme pressure to reach your goal. But if you make it too long, it becomes easily forgotten. In this case, for this goal, they nailed it.
Here is a perfect example of a couple agreeing on goals, setting reasonable timing and sealing the commitment with a solemn pinky swear.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The Shoe Game
Have you seen the shoe game they play at wedding receptions? The bride and groom sit back to back, each holding one of each of their shoes. Then the emcee asks a question (like who is most likely to say "I love you" first?) and they have to hold up the shoe of the appropriate person.
Continuing the theme from this past weekend's wedding, let me tell you about this version of the shoe game.
Who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? Shoes go up.
Who is the best kisser? Shoes go up.
Who wears the pants in the family? Slight hesitation.
Then, something interesting happened. Remember, they can't see what the other person is doing. He raises her shoe. She raises his.
In it's worst case scenario, this could play out that nothing gets done because each is looking to the other to take charge. But that's not how I see it with these two.
My take is that these two will respect that the other has significant input and leadership responsibilities regarding things of the house and home. They see themselves as being able to be submissive when necessary and in charge when needed.
I like this.
What if he raised his shoe and she raised hers? Sure, it would have made for a few laughs at the reception, but I'd be writing a different blog today.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Continuing the theme from this past weekend's wedding, let me tell you about this version of the shoe game.
Who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? Shoes go up.
Who is the best kisser? Shoes go up.
Who wears the pants in the family? Slight hesitation.
Then, something interesting happened. Remember, they can't see what the other person is doing. He raises her shoe. She raises his.
In it's worst case scenario, this could play out that nothing gets done because each is looking to the other to take charge. But that's not how I see it with these two.
My take is that these two will respect that the other has significant input and leadership responsibilities regarding things of the house and home. They see themselves as being able to be submissive when necessary and in charge when needed.
I like this.
What if he raised his shoe and she raised hers? Sure, it would have made for a few laughs at the reception, but I'd be writing a different blog today.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Monday, October 11, 2010
Love is a Choice
My wife and I attended a wedding this weekend, and several noteworthy things were said and done. Weddings are interesting because they can be used as good reminders of how we felt when we said "I do." It can conjure up thoughts of the ideal marriage, remind us of our vows and promises and encourage us to get focused on some very important topics.
The blog this entire week will be devoted to things I heard, observed and learned at this past weekend's wedding.
The pastor at this small Anglican church commented on those very familiar words from First Corinthians 13 (Love is kind, doesn't envy, etc). But the next passage was from Colossians 3, verse 14: "but above all these things, put on love." The pastor reminded us that love is a choice. "Every morning when you wake up, make the choice to love your partner. And remind yourself of that choice every night before you go to bed."
Wise words. When we first meet, emotions carry us into love. But emotions don't last, and love is not an emotion. Love is a choice. Love is a verb - an action.
Today and every day, choose to "put on love". Wear it. And remember, when you're wearing something, others can see it. I'm wearing a Phillies hat as I write this. I wear it so people know I'm a fan. I put on my love for my wife. People see that too. They know by my actions that I'm a fan of hers. I love, by choice.
Stay in touch -
Mark
The blog this entire week will be devoted to things I heard, observed and learned at this past weekend's wedding.
The pastor at this small Anglican church commented on those very familiar words from First Corinthians 13 (Love is kind, doesn't envy, etc). But the next passage was from Colossians 3, verse 14: "but above all these things, put on love." The pastor reminded us that love is a choice. "Every morning when you wake up, make the choice to love your partner. And remind yourself of that choice every night before you go to bed."
Wise words. When we first meet, emotions carry us into love. But emotions don't last, and love is not an emotion. Love is a choice. Love is a verb - an action.
Today and every day, choose to "put on love". Wear it. And remember, when you're wearing something, others can see it. I'm wearing a Phillies hat as I write this. I wear it so people know I'm a fan. I put on my love for my wife. People see that too. They know by my actions that I'm a fan of hers. I love, by choice.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Friday, October 8, 2010
We Communicate Differently
Yeah, that's not what she meant...either time:
A husband in his backyard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air; the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how he needs to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need more tail." The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!"
A husband in his backyard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air; the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how he needs to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need more tail." The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!"
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Say it, Mean it
Every once in a while I scan the relationship forums to find out what people think. Sometimes it's like reading an episode of Jerry Springer. But sometimes there is a a topic worth noting. Here's one I found yesterday, that I thought was interesting.
A woman writes that her boyfriend never tells her that he loves her. She says "He used to tell me he loved me all the time, but now he doesn't say it unless I say it first. I have cried to him about it twice and he says that he does love me but that he "doesn't think about it" because he has been really stressed for the past month."
One of the people that replied to her post (a guy) said that she was adding stress to him by complaining that he never says it. Really? Give me a break.
What are the problems here?
First, the fact that he "doesn't think about it" is a problem. How can you be in a relationship and not think about how you feel about the other person. It would be like waking up in the morning and saying "I'm so completely indifferent to you."
Second, he's stressed from school. If he can't remember to tell her that he loves her while he's in school, what will it be like when the pressures of real life crash in on his little world?
Finally, if he isn't focused enough on her to say I love you - he certainly isn't going to rock her world. And forget about him going out of his way to do things for her, surprise her and treat her right.
Baby boy needs to grow up, suck it up and remember - if someone means something to you, tell them. Say it, and mean it.
Stay in touch -
Mark
A woman writes that her boyfriend never tells her that he loves her. She says "He used to tell me he loved me all the time, but now he doesn't say it unless I say it first. I have cried to him about it twice and he says that he does love me but that he "doesn't think about it" because he has been really stressed for the past month."
One of the people that replied to her post (a guy) said that she was adding stress to him by complaining that he never says it. Really? Give me a break.
What are the problems here?
First, the fact that he "doesn't think about it" is a problem. How can you be in a relationship and not think about how you feel about the other person. It would be like waking up in the morning and saying "I'm so completely indifferent to you."
Second, he's stressed from school. If he can't remember to tell her that he loves her while he's in school, what will it be like when the pressures of real life crash in on his little world?
Finally, if he isn't focused enough on her to say I love you - he certainly isn't going to rock her world. And forget about him going out of his way to do things for her, surprise her and treat her right.
Baby boy needs to grow up, suck it up and remember - if someone means something to you, tell them. Say it, and mean it.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Dealing with Her Self-Consciousness
Yesterday we heard from Alyssa Milano that all women are self-conscious at one point or another. And we reviewed some of the signs that you can pick up on that will identify when those moments have arrived. Today I'll give you some tips on how to respond.
First, don't get irritated with her. Think about it. Do you think that she REALLY wants to be stressing over what to wear or how she looks? She's not doing this on purpose, so cut her some slack.
Next, if you're asked one of the dreaded questions - don't panic. Here's what to do. Be honest. (No, not "I don't give a crap, just pick something" honest). Let's review:
Potential question: "Does this make me look fat?",
Your response needs to be honest AND not offensive. IF what she's wearing DOES INDEED make her look somehow less attractive, you need to let her know. You can't say "wow your butt is huge in those jeans". But you can say, "it isn't as good of a look as the other thing you were wearing", or "it isn't really very flattering". There may be a brief period of discomfort, but if you're not a jerk about saying it, she'll appreciate the honesty.
Potential question: "Which shoes should I wear?"
Good answer: "they both look great to me, but I really like these".
Potential question: "Does this look alright?"
If it looks alright, tell her how great she looks. If you've told her previously that something doesn't look good on her, you'll have credibility now. Remember if ever answer is an uninterested "you look fine", you'll have no street cred at this point.
Important tip: Try not to tie being late to telling her she looks good. She'll think you're only saying she looks good to get her out the door. Again, credibility.
That should help.
Stay in touch -
Mark
First, don't get irritated with her. Think about it. Do you think that she REALLY wants to be stressing over what to wear or how she looks? She's not doing this on purpose, so cut her some slack.
Next, if you're asked one of the dreaded questions - don't panic. Here's what to do. Be honest. (No, not "I don't give a crap, just pick something" honest). Let's review:
Potential question: "Does this make me look fat?",
Your response needs to be honest AND not offensive. IF what she's wearing DOES INDEED make her look somehow less attractive, you need to let her know. You can't say "wow your butt is huge in those jeans". But you can say, "it isn't as good of a look as the other thing you were wearing", or "it isn't really very flattering". There may be a brief period of discomfort, but if you're not a jerk about saying it, she'll appreciate the honesty.
Potential question: "Which shoes should I wear?"
Good answer: "they both look great to me, but I really like these".
Potential question: "Does this look alright?"
If it looks alright, tell her how great she looks. If you've told her previously that something doesn't look good on her, you'll have credibility now. Remember if ever answer is an uninterested "you look fine", you'll have no street cred at this point.
Important tip: Try not to tie being late to telling her she looks good. She'll think you're only saying she looks good to get her out the door. Again, credibility.
That should help.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
She's self conscious...sometimes.
Men, here's a quote that you'll want to remember:
"Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a genderwide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Brian Dennehy." -- Alyssa Milano
It's one thing to understand that your wife/partner/girlfriend is self conscious. But it's an entirely different thing to understand what that means.
Being self conscious means that she is very self aware. In a best case scenario this would mean that she is balanced in a healthy way and is acutely aware of both her good and bad characteristics. In a less than best case scenario - the bad will out weigh the good (in her mind) and shyness or various insecurities and confidence issues will emerge.
This is the underlying emotion behind the question - 'Does this make me look fat'?
But here's where it gets tricky. Most women are only self conscious some of the time. You'll notice in Alyssa Milano's quote the terms "bad days" and "really bad days". You need to be perceptive enough to pick up on those self conscious moments, and know how to react.
How to pick up on it:
Besides the "does this make me look fat" question - which is a dead give away, you can tell that she's feeling self conscious during the multiple change of clothes episode - where she's tried on 15 different tops. Or when she says "I don't have anything to wear", extra primping in the bathroom, repetitive questions about her looks, or if you find her fishing for compliments.
The key here is that you are paying attention to her and can pick up on the situation. Key number two is reacting properly.
Let's let that sink in for now, and I'll give you some thoughts on how to react tomorrow.
Stay in touch -
Mark
"Women are innately self-conscious. This is not a choice; it's a genderwide condition. On a bad day, I look in the mirror and see my ten-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Bertha. On a really bad day, Bertha sees her two-hundred-pound-heavier alter ego. Her name is Brian Dennehy." -- Alyssa Milano
It's one thing to understand that your wife/partner/girlfriend is self conscious. But it's an entirely different thing to understand what that means.
Being self conscious means that she is very self aware. In a best case scenario this would mean that she is balanced in a healthy way and is acutely aware of both her good and bad characteristics. In a less than best case scenario - the bad will out weigh the good (in her mind) and shyness or various insecurities and confidence issues will emerge.
This is the underlying emotion behind the question - 'Does this make me look fat'?
But here's where it gets tricky. Most women are only self conscious some of the time. You'll notice in Alyssa Milano's quote the terms "bad days" and "really bad days". You need to be perceptive enough to pick up on those self conscious moments, and know how to react.
How to pick up on it:
Besides the "does this make me look fat" question - which is a dead give away, you can tell that she's feeling self conscious during the multiple change of clothes episode - where she's tried on 15 different tops. Or when she says "I don't have anything to wear", extra primping in the bathroom, repetitive questions about her looks, or if you find her fishing for compliments.
The key here is that you are paying attention to her and can pick up on the situation. Key number two is reacting properly.
Let's let that sink in for now, and I'll give you some thoughts on how to react tomorrow.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Monday, October 4, 2010
Wearing a Visor
Those of you who watch football or hockey know that some players wear a visor on their helmet, to protect their eyes. In football, some wear tinted or darkened visors so that their opponents can't see where they're looking.
Well, I've been wearing a visor too.
I don't play football any more and I never played hockey, but I've been wearing the equipment for the past several weeks.
I've been introverted, and hiding emotionally behind a mask. I haven't been out-going, haven't been interested in other people or their needs. Emotionally, internally, it's all been about me. I've been hiding.
It may have started several weeks ago when my Dad died, I'm not sure. I don't even want to spend a lot of time thinking about when it started, or even why. I'm focused on that it happened, and changing it.
What's the big deal? Well, for starters, I haven't been myself. I'm normally out-going and friendly and considerate of other people's needs. Also, this has started to go beyond me being introverted, and was turning into me becoming really selfish.
So my question to you is this: What mask are you wearing today? Do you hide behind a Chuck Norris tough guy mask? Do you camouflage yourself behind your status, money, job or reputation? Or are you open, honestly confident in who you are - so that you can be real in your relationships and sincerely care about the needs of those around you?
I hope you're free enough to be you. If not, take steps today towards taking off the mask or removing the visor. Let people in. Your life will be richer for it.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Well, I've been wearing a visor too.
I don't play football any more and I never played hockey, but I've been wearing the equipment for the past several weeks.
I've been introverted, and hiding emotionally behind a mask. I haven't been out-going, haven't been interested in other people or their needs. Emotionally, internally, it's all been about me. I've been hiding.
It may have started several weeks ago when my Dad died, I'm not sure. I don't even want to spend a lot of time thinking about when it started, or even why. I'm focused on that it happened, and changing it.
What's the big deal? Well, for starters, I haven't been myself. I'm normally out-going and friendly and considerate of other people's needs. Also, this has started to go beyond me being introverted, and was turning into me becoming really selfish.
So my question to you is this: What mask are you wearing today? Do you hide behind a Chuck Norris tough guy mask? Do you camouflage yourself behind your status, money, job or reputation? Or are you open, honestly confident in who you are - so that you can be real in your relationships and sincerely care about the needs of those around you?
I hope you're free enough to be you. If not, take steps today towards taking off the mask or removing the visor. Let people in. Your life will be richer for it.
Stay in touch -
Mark
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