Friday Fun - The Perfect Husband

Several men are standing around at a golf course. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Have a good weekend.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Relationship Killers: Abusive Behavior

Well before we get into this topic today - I hope you had a great Valentine's Day. I saw a lot of guys out and about yesterday picking up flowers, getting candy. But you can't let yesterday be a flash in the pan. Don't be a one hit wonder, where the only day you get romantic is February 14th.

Anyhow - On Tuesdays we talk about things that kill relationships, and today I want to focus on abusive behavior.

How many times have we heard the story of a wife who is abused, but refused to press charges on her husband? That's because there is an emotional element to the physical abuse. Abuse is something which is tolerated far too often. But in addition to the physical abuse, there is also emotional or financial abuse.

Emotional abuse can take the form of intimidation, manipulation, belittling, or outright hateful speech. Financial abuse comes in the form of either withholding finances that are necessary to live a reasonable life, or lavishly spending on yourself to the point of ignoring your partner - this would include other types of abuse, like alcohol, drugs or gambling.

Honestly, my advice to someone who is in an abusive relationship, is to get out. (And this is from the guy who is all about trying to work things out). If you are, in any way, abusive to your spouse (even once in a while), stop it now. Period.
Or, kiss your relationship goodbye.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Romantic Movie Lines

Happy Valentine's Day. At this point, I hope your plans are made and you are treating your partner to a great day. I thought that I'd share some famous romantic movie lines to help set the tone for the day. See if you can guess which movie each line is from. (scroll down to the bottom for the answers). Yes....it IS kind of Chick Flicky....deal with it.

1. “I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it.”

2. “I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you”

3. “I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.”

4. “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.”

5. “If I could ask God one thing, it would be to stop the moon. Stop the moon and make this night and your beauty last forever.”

6. “Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together… and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home… only to no home I’d ever known… I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like… magic.”

7. “It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other.”

8. “You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.”

9. "After all... I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."

10. “You look at me and give me that 'come here baby' smile. And I know we can make it through anything.”

Stay in Touch -

Mark


Answers....
1. City of Angels
2. Dirty Dancing
3. Lord of the Rings
4. The Princess Bride
5. A Knight's Tale
6. Sleepless in Seattle
7. Good Will Hunting
8. Gone With the Wind
9. Notting Hill
10. You've Got Mail

Friday Fun - The Manslator

Confused about what she really means? That's no longer gonna be a problem:



Have a good weekend. Remember Monday is Valentine's Day. Do something nice!

Stay in touch -

Mark

Raising Some Flags: Valentine's Day Alert

HEY!

Yeah that's the biggest font I can put on here. Just wanted to remind you that Monday is Valentine's Day. What are you going to do? Let's start with the basics:

1. A Valentine's Day card is a must. Don't be afraid to get something nice. If you're just dating, keep it simple. If you're engaged or married, kick it up.
As a rule, the more serious cards work better than the funny ones.

2. A gift is almost always appropriate. When is a gift not appropriate? If she's dead or you're divorced.

But what gift? Here are some solid ideas:

1. Spa day. She'll love getting pampered.
2. Jewelery. Always a hit.
3. Chocolate. Kind of cliche', but it could work.
4. A night on the town. Arrange everything and take her out. Dancing, a show, the whole nine.

It's time to break out the romance. For romance tips, search for Romance, or Valentine's Day in the labels from this blog. (The search box is on the left of the screen, near the top). There are over 15 different posts in these categories to help you be ready.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Talking About Sex With Your Partner

Wednesday is sex day at the blog - and today we're talking about how to talk to your partner about sex, and sexual problems.

First, it's a good idea that you don't talk about these problems just before or after sex. (And certainly not DURING sex). In fact, I wouldn't talk about sexual problems in your bedroom or at bedtime. Have a chat in the living room or at the kitchen table. This avoids the "was it good for you?" awkwardness.

One exception would be if, while you're having sex, she does something that you really like, you should definitely respond and let her know.

Don't cast blame. If something isn't working for you, approach it from the perspective that both of you need to address something in the sack.

Be careful in your "research". If you buy sex advice books or toys to spice things up, be sure to talk to your partner first. If she isn't into something, you could make things worse.

Openly communicate what your expectations are, what you like and what you're not as fond of. If something troubles you or if you're afraid of something, open up and tell her.

Here's my philosophy, if you're close enough to be intimate, you should also be close enough to talk about what you like and what you don't like. If you can't talk about sex, you probably shouldn't be doing it.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Relationship Killers: Money

You've heard it said that money is the root of all evil. The actual quote (from the Bible by the way) is "the love of money is the root of all evil." (1 Timothy 6:10).

But how does this affect your relationship? Ironically, it can be a killer on both ends of the spending spectrum. If one of you is really frugal (pronounced cheap), to the point of not spending money on necessary items, or withholding funds as a manner of control - this will definitely kill a relationship. Conversely, if one person in the relationship has a spending problem, is constantly running up unmanageable debt, particularly if he or she hides or lies about big purchases, it can really impact the long term relationship, add stress and cause a lack of trust.

Money management in your relationship doesn't just happen. You need to communicate with each other, come to an understanding and work out the approach that makes the most sense.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Relationship Killer: Snapping

Ok, so you're tired and you've had a bad day. But snapping at your partner is only going to make things worse.

Everyone has those days when you've had it "up to here", but making a habit of biting your partner's head off will definitely hurt your relationship.

Everyone deserves respect, even during a bad day. And your partner is...or at least should be at the top of that list.

We always suggest that it is better to "respond, not react". Be in control. It's better for the long haul.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Commitment

I'll admit that historically I have been a huge fan of American Idol. This year, not so much. I miss the old judges and to me, as least so far, it hasn't been all that great.

Except this story. Click Here to see the story of Chris Medina.

You wonder about commitment, see Chris Medina.

This story shows us a great example of what it means to be a great partner.
Chris says "I was about to take vows, just 2 months from the accident. Through thick and thin, 'til death do us part, in sickness and in health, for better or worse. What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me most"?

Thanks Chris. You wrote today's blog for me.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Friday Fun

A woman decides to join a convent, and takes a vow of silence.

No...that's not the joke, hold on.

After ten years of complete silence, she's brought in to the office for review and is given the chance to speak, but just two words. She says "cold food."

They say "ok, you're right, the food could be warmer, we'll work on that."

After another ten years, it's the same process. Two more words: "Hard bed."
"Yes" they say "the beds could be softer."

Ten more years go by. Same thing. This time she says "I quit."
They reply "Good, you've done nothing but complain since you got here!"

Have a great weekend.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Work / Life Balance

This is a term that is gaining in popularity and for good reason. Work is important and your career is something that you take seriously. That's good. Home is important and your family matters very much. Now, how do we balance these two really important facets of our life? Here are a some ideas:

Don't overbook yourself. Schedules often get rearranged and things rarely go down as planned. Don't try to cram too much into your schedule.

Prioritize: Ensure that the critical things get done and don't sweat the less important things.

Try to separate: Do your best to leave work at work, and when you're home, be home. This is difficult especially if you sometimes work from home. If you had a bad day, don't take it out on the family.

The key is to manage your time well, which at times is a real struggle. Do your best and know it won't always be perfect.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Your Wife is Sexy

Easy big guy. I'm not hitting on your wife.

I just wanted to remind you that she's hot. You think so. Or at least you used to.
Maybe you still do. But here's the interesting question: Does she know you think so?

Some time soon, I want you to tell your wife that she's hot. Be specific about what turns you on. Let her know. Touch her in the places that excite you.

And while some conversations are not appropriate after sex (i.e. things about her sister or friends) this IS. "Wow that was hot, you're really sexy." (or whatever you want to say).

Let her know she still gets to you.

Stay in touch -

Mark

U of M Study: Men Add Work

According to a University of Michigan study done in 2008, having a husband creates an extra seven hours a week of housework for women.

The study bases this 7 hour increase on the time difference that a married woman spends cleaning vs. when she was single.

But there is some encouraging news for us guys. The study also shows that men are doing more than twice as much housework as 20 years ago - but still fall short of women's workload.

One of the main differences is how we go about cleaning compared to how the women clean. And this is an interesting debate. Do we need to use the same techniques to clean as they do? In my opinion no...as long as the results are as good. But that's the key. If you clean differently, in a different pattern or take a different amount of time, (in my opinion) it shouldn't matter. But if the place doesn't look good, or isn't disinfected afterward, then you gonna have some 'splaining to do.

Two key things are:
1. We need to do our share around the house.
2. The results need to be good enough to stand behind.

Raise the bar men, and dust it while you're at it.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Friday Fun...We Have Viagra But....

Question to the Journal of Medicine: We have Viagra to help with erectile dysfunction, but is there anything that can help with premature ejaculation?

Reply: There's no cure yet, but it's coming quickly.

Enjoy the weekend (but some of you shouldn't start too soon apparently).

Stay in touch -

Mark

3 Quick Questions

Just think. That's all.
How would you answer these 3 questions?

1. Who are you in love with?

2. What are you doing about it?

3. What life lesson have you learned the hard way?

Think about this as you go through your day. Please.

Stay in touch -

Mark

A Low Sex Marriage

"Sex, sex, sex. Everywhere you turn it's sex. I've had it up to here. Not lately though." ~ Rodney Dangerfield.

We understand that the frequency of sex drops over time. We get older, life gets busy. But when your sex life lessens dramatically, it could be a red flag showing that there are other problems in your marriage.

Fact: Low sex marriages have a high rate of separation.

You are in a low sex marriage if...

* You have sex once or twice a month.

* You have sex if you've set a schedule for it.

* There is no intimacy, you're going through the motions.

* Sex has become a chore.

* It seems that you are the only one who wants to have sex.

* Your spouse doesn't show any interest in sex unless prompted.

* There is no spontaneity.

What can be done? Studies show that couples who communicate and share activities together are more active sexually. But if there are underlying issues in the relationship and you don't really want to talk or be together - ironically - you're screwed.

You need to work on what is wrong at the core. Talk to each other, sort it out.
Sex will follow.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Relationship Killer: That Log in Your Eye

People who think the Bible isn't relevant in 2011 could learn from the wise words of Jesus when he asked, "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:3).

A common relationship killer is doing just that. Finding fault with every little thing that your partner does wrong, and giving little notice to your own shortcomings.

For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s pestering or nagging, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s laziness, but completely unaware of your own anger issues.

The problem here is as long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that the onus for 'fixing things' is primarily on your partner. This scenario...and this relationship is doomed to fail.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Operation: Desert Storm

This past weekend marked the 20th anniversary of the offensive into Iraq, when Desert Shield became Desert Storm. The first thing on the agenda: Destroy Communications.
Because the coalition forces understood that if you can't communicate well, you're not going to survive.

True in war. True in relationships.

Good communication is essential on the job, in social settings and especially at home. Here are 3 absolutely essential communication skills every man should master.

1. Know what you want to say and communicate it clearly. Don't hint, don't beat around the bush. Clearly say what's on your mind. Don't let things fester.

2. Know how to say it. There's no need to be offensive. Speak calmly and lovingly when possible. Avoid raising your voice (shouting) even in disagreements. Wow is that hard. If you're angry take a step back and regroup. Don't slam things or throw things - stay in control.

3. Listen. Listen to what she says, what she doesn't say and how she's communicating to you. Body language is important so observe that - listening with your eyes. The ladies don't always come out and say things directly, so be prepared to read between the lines. If you're unsure, ask. Be prepared for a reaction if you have to ask too often. But tell her that you're working on your communication skills and you want to make sure you understood her properly.

Communicate.

Stay in touch - (thanks Chrissy)

Mark

A Kid's View on Relationships

Friday Fun - enjoy:


What is Marriage?
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, nine years old

What do People Do on a Date?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -Martin, ten years old

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -Craig, nine years old

Which is Better, to be Married or Single?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" -Anita, nine years old

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will, seven years old

Enjoy the weekend.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Signs of a Good Relationship

Well this has been a bit of a negative week. Tuesday we talked about cheating, yesterday more cheating. How about some positive words? Here are 10 signs that you're in a good, healthy relationship.

These aren't the only signs, there are others, which we'll get to in time.

- Your communication is open and you're not hiding things from each other.
- Your communication is clear and understandable, rather than throwing out hints and hoping your partner catches the clue.
- There is equal power and responsibility between you and your partner.
- Your expectations of each other are reality based.
- You apologize, sincerely and honestly.
- You avoid emotional manipulation, like giving the cold shoulder, keeping quiet for days at a time, or withholding sex.
- You maintain a sense of independence, individuality, rather can becoming co-dependent on your partner.
- You both keep your tempers in check, particularly during an argument.
- You realize there are other choices you could have made in a partner, but every day, you choose each other again.
- You accept that "stuff happens", and that there are disappointments, troubles, struggles and pain. It's life.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Your Cheating Heart x 2

Yesterday in "Relationship Killers" we talked about how cheating is the biggest thing that many couples find it difficult to move past. And since we talk about sex on Wednesday, I thought I'd share 2 cheating stories. One I witnessed (not because I was involved, just people I knew at the time) and one I read about.

Let's start with 2, no make that 3 people. Let's call them Kevin, Lisa and Diane just for shiggles. Kevin and Lisa were engaged. I was in the wedding. About 4 months before the wedding Kevin met Diane on a prolonged and repetitive business trip.
They hit it off and soon did much more than hit it off. While Kevin was planning his wedding with Lisa, he was doing the nasty with Diane. About 2 weeks before the wedding, Kevin and Diane stopped - I mean after all, it's the decent thing to do.
Kevin let Lisa's family throw a huge wedding and he and Lisa went off on an extravagant honeymoon. Literally 3 months after the wedding, I ran into Kevin in this same little town where he met Diane. He was back. What about Lisa? "Oh" he says, "that didn't work out." DIDN'T WORK OUT? It's been 3 months? Of course it didn't work out you idiot, you're banging Diane. It's ok though, because Kevin told me that Lisa was a "nice girl", it just wasn't going to work between the 2 of them.
Duh.

The 2nd story takes place 60 years ago, give or take. Frank Sinatra attended someone's wedding (according to his biography "Sinatra") and got along very well with the bride. So well in fact, she and Frank disappeared. She didn't return to her new husband until 5AM the next morning after spending her wedding night hearing Ole Blue Eyes sing "All of me, why not take all of me." No word on how long her marriage lasted.

Cheating. Not a good idea.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Top Relationship Killer...

This is the one many couples just can't get past...cheating. Even the most staunch and conservative person, who would typically be against divorce, would tell you that if a spouse is unfaithful, it's game over.

People who have had it happen to them will tell you that it's a betrayal you will never forget. People who have done it will tell you the relationship was over before the new encounter ever began.

If these things are true, it makes reconciliation all the harder. At this point, all the trust in the relationship is gone, on top of what ever problems were already there.

Here's my advice, if your relationship is on the rocks, seek help. Try to work it out. Keep it simple - just between the two of you. Adding a third person to the mix is a recipe for disaster. If there is someone in the shadows, take them out of the mix. Focus on each other without distractions. Then if, despite your best efforts, things don't work out, at least you know you didn't blow it by falling into someone else's bed. Trust me, this is good advice.

Since tomorrow is "sex day", I'll share the worst two cheating stories I've ever heard.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Things Your Woman Wants From You

Back in December I started a list that I never finished.
I listed 3 (of 12) character traits that women want in their man.
Those 3 were reliability, commitment and respect. Today, here are 3 more:

Honesty – This is critical. And be honest all the time. If your partner asks you ‘Do you like my hair’ a response could be ‘I like it but I preferred it when it was longer.’ When you are honest about everything you will get a reputation for being honest and you will get more respect and gain trust a lot quicker. Lies break down a relationship, and depending on the woman (and the lie), as few a one lie can create a crack that can't be mended.
Ability to protect – Maybe not as high on the list as honesty, and certainly not one that will come up in every day conversation, but women want someone who will be able to protect them physically in times of danger or trouble. That’s not to say women are weak. It's just to say that all of us like to have the added security of a strong partner, whether that's physical or emotional strength.
Drive – Women don’t like men who have no motivation to do anything with their lives. They want a man who has passion and has goals in life and has got the motivation to follow their dreams.

Six traits to go.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Friday Fun: Funny Pictures

Happy Friday!

Stay in touch -

Mark

Love vs. In Love

How many times have you heard someone say "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you"? Often that sentence comes just before the break-up.

There are 2 things here worth discussing.

First, being "in love" definitely produces real emotional and physical responses.
People in love have a positive physical reaction when they see the person they love. This includes a higher heart rate and that excited feeling in their stomach.

Emotions include what psychologists call "positive worry", where people worry about their partner when they're not around. Other emotional responses include that "I can't live without her" feeling and the need to express that love to her. We become pre-occupied with that person and hardly think of anything else.

But here's where things get very interesting. Over time, those emotions are going to change. Let's be realistic, you're not going to feel that way every day for the next 40 years. Patterns develop, routines exist and your relationship can become commonplace. This doesn't mean you're not in love, but it can be a recipe for disaster.

If the "thrill" is gone from the relationship, one of you may seek a thrill somewhere else. The emotions of love are like a drug, and sometimes we need a 'fix'.

That's why I write about this stuff. Romance, wow factor, spark. It's important to keep these things in your relationship. Don't let time dull the spark. Demonstrate your love on a regular basis. Keep the flame burning. Don't become complacent.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Survey: Love "Most Important" When it Comes to Sex

In a recent survey of nearly 4000 women, most said love was an important factor in their sexual satisfaction. More than a quarter of women said love is everything when it comes to having great sex while 41 per cent said it's not everything, "but it's most important."

Yet one in five said they had enjoyed a purely sexual, emotion-free relationship in the past.

38% percent of women surveyed said that they initiate sex "regularly".
66% of women say they have an orgasm "every time" they have sex.

Surveys and statistics can be used to "prove" almost anything, but what I take from this is that love is the key. I've learned that if a woman says that something is "most important", it generally is. Pay attention.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Blowing Off Requests

Each Tuesday we look at things that can damage a relationship. Today, I want to focus on how ignoring her requests for help can be a relationship killer.

A wife asks her husband to see what's wrong with something she uses on a regular basis and he doesn't think it's that important, so he puts it off.

She asks him to review some financial paperwork before she sends it off to the accountant and he 'doesn't get around to it.'


She asks for help with something in the yard and something always comes up and the yard work gets ignored.

But the game comes on, and you're there. And everything else gets dropped.

Do you think this has an impact on the relationship? It sends a message...a very strong message. It says, 'the things you ask me to do are menial, unimportant and I couldn't be bothered. They don't compare to the important things I have to deal with.' When I 'get around to it' means that it just doesn't have much priority.

When she reminds you (several times), you say she's "nagging."

If this sounds familiar, you need to pay better attention to the things she's asking you to do, and reevaluate your priorities.

Stay in touch -

Mark

New Year's Resolution?

First, happy new year. Here's hoping 2011 is fantastic for all of us.

Studies show that 40-45% of people make new year's resolutions. Often it's to lose weight or to stop smoking. The same studies show that one week in, 75% are still holding to their resolution. By two weeks - 71%, by one month - 64% and after six months nearly half (46%)are holding to their goal.

People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don't explicitly make resolutions.

So I'm encouraging you to make a new year's resolution to be a better partner.
I'm not saying you're a bad partner now. But all of us can improve.

Here are some more simple easy things you can do to get the ball rolling:

- Listen more intently
- Sing her a love song
- Say “I adore you”
- Watch a chick flick with her
- Kiss her somewhere you never thought to kiss before (i.e. elbow, knee, toe)
- Initiate affection (hugs, kisses, spooning)

This year, make the effort to be the man she wants you to be.

Stay in touch -

Mark