Love vs. In Love

How many times have you heard someone say "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you"? Often that sentence comes just before the break-up.

There are 2 things here worth discussing.

First, being "in love" definitely produces real emotional and physical responses.
People in love have a positive physical reaction when they see the person they love. This includes a higher heart rate and that excited feeling in their stomach.

Emotions include what psychologists call "positive worry", where people worry about their partner when they're not around. Other emotional responses include that "I can't live without her" feeling and the need to express that love to her. We become pre-occupied with that person and hardly think of anything else.

But here's where things get very interesting. Over time, those emotions are going to change. Let's be realistic, you're not going to feel that way every day for the next 40 years. Patterns develop, routines exist and your relationship can become commonplace. This doesn't mean you're not in love, but it can be a recipe for disaster.

If the "thrill" is gone from the relationship, one of you may seek a thrill somewhere else. The emotions of love are like a drug, and sometimes we need a 'fix'.

That's why I write about this stuff. Romance, wow factor, spark. It's important to keep these things in your relationship. Don't let time dull the spark. Demonstrate your love on a regular basis. Keep the flame burning. Don't become complacent.

Stay in touch -

Mark