We're continuing our discussion on communication. For this little series, we have a running scenario of a wife who wants a deck, and a husband who doesn't.
Here are a couple of examples of how not to handle the conversation:
Don't defer the conversation by promising to do something that you have no intention of doing. Don’t say “I’ll call the contractor next week to get an estimate” if you don’t intend to do it.
Don’t be insulting or degrading. If you were to take the “I don’t want a deck” comment from yesterday and insert words like “stupid” or “ugly” or escalate the conversation by inserting profanity, then your message changes for the worse. Saying “I don’t want the stupid deck” is projecting a degrading message, not to the deck, but to your partner. You are calling her idea stupid. Not a good plan.
Cursing sends a different message, but not a whole lot better. “I don’t want that #@%#%$# deck…” indicates that you’re really angry about the idea, and that isn’t the kind of conversation I’m advocating. When you project anger, the conversation can very easily turn into an argument as she responds to your anger, with anger. There’s no need to attempt to hurt anyone’s feelings here. You are partners, on the same team remember?
Stay in touch -
Mark
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