I heard awhile ago about a couple, both of whom worked full time. Occasionally the wife would have to stay late and her husband would get home first. On one such night he decided to do something nice for her. He made her a nice dinner, lit candles, the whole nine yards. When she got home, she walked in, completely bypassed the dining room as she said hello and started to walk upstairs. He tried to tell her he had made her a nice dinner, but all she wanted to do was take a bath and relax.
They ended up getting in a fight because she didn't want his dinner, she just wanted to relax.
So - this was a complete backfire. Let me tell you guys - this is going to happen once in a while. Sometimes events and stress of the day can preempt a good idea. But that doesn't mean we stop trying.
Our hero didn't go wrong by making the nice dinner. In fact - huge props to him for doing that. Where he went wrong was starting a fight over the fact that she didn't want dinner. His expectation was that she would want and need exactly what he had done, and he was insulted when that turned out to not be the case.
What he should have done is gone upstairs and assessed the situation. Once he found out that she had a stressful day, he could have said "I made a nice dinner, its there if you want it later" and left it at that. She would have appreciated his effort, even if she didn't eat it. And that's part of building on your relationship and being a good partner. It's hard...I get it. But it's a better way to handle it.
In fact, tomorrow I want to expand on the "Respond, don't react" approach to dealing with difficult situations. It's a helpful tool.
Oh - and thanks Chrissy for your input on this. Big help!
Stay in touch -
Mark
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