Have you ever noticed that we're more inclined to apoligize for something small to a complete stranger, than we are for something meaningful to our spouse?
We cut someone off in the grocery store and send out a quick 'Oh, I'm sorry' and ask their forgiveness. But we act like a complete ass to our partner and go on without uttering a single word.
I wonder if it's because we, as men don't really know how to apologize effectively. Today, we'll focus on what an apology SHOULD NOT look like. Tomorrow, we review good apology techniques. This stuff helps guys. Get on board.
"Love Story" quote - love means never having to say you're sorry is a load of crap. We all hurt or disapoint people from time to time, and apologies are necessary.
Here are some apology no-no's:
"I'm sorry, I have a lot on my mind." This isn't an apology as much as you defending yourself for why you screwed up. If you follow it up with a statement like - "but it's no excuse, I was wrong and I'm sorry", then it gets better.
"I'm sorry you feel that way." Not even an apology. You aren't even sorry about what you did. You're sorry she doesn't agree with you.
"Sorry if I..." "IF?" Dude, you know you screwed up. Face it and apologize.
Don't shift blame. "I'm sorry that I was late, Jimmy didn't finish work on time and I..." Weak. Excuses. Please.
The big BUT. "I know I upset you BUT..." I hate big BUTs and I cannot lie. Behavior is not conditional on other factors. Just tell her you're sorry. Also - do not EVER blame it on alcohol. It's your responsibility to maintain control - and blaming it on the booze is a cop-out.
Apologizing by email or text. Be a man and apologize in person. If you're going to be away for a while, do it by phone, so she can at least hear the words.
So how should you apologize? Sorry. You'll have to wait until tomorrow.
Stay in touch -
Mark
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