Really Saying "I'm Sorry"

Yesterday we looked at some lame excuses for an apology, with the promise that today we would focus on how to do it properly.

The key to a good apology is to be sincere. And to be sincere you need to have a clue what you are actually apologizing for. Sometimes (I've been there too) it is next to impossible to really and truly understand what you did wrong. If that is the case, try to find out. This is important because tip #1 is to name your offense in your apology. "I know I upset you by being late for the concert. I know you were really looking forward to getting there early. I'm sorry for making this less fun than it could have been."

If there is a valid reason, you may explain it, as long as you are not justifying what you did.
"Work ran a little late, but its my fault for not paying better attention to the time."

Make sure she understands your regret.
"I feel really bad about making us late. I'm really sorry."

Describe how you'll handle it differently next time.
"I'll start putting important dates in my calendar / Blackberry so it keeps me on top of things a little better."

Two critical points here.
1. If you say you're going to handle something differently next time - do it. Otherwise it's an empty promise.
2. An apology is not an instant "off switch" for her being upset. Say your apology and move on. Give her time to get over it. The apology doesn't have to be re-applied over and over. Say it sincerely and that's it. Repeating an apology is annoying.

Whenever you apologize, make good eye contact with her and give her a hug. Be sincere, be a man and apologize.

Stay in touch -

Mark