Loading Up the Baggage

I was listening to a talk radio show this week and the host was talking about how her husband is "just fed up" with her antics. They've been together about 4 years and he has reached his limit in dealing with the games that she plays.

Let's spend a couple of minutes talking about how this limit gets reached and what we can do to avoid getting to that point.

The relationship starts out brand new and has that "new car smell" for a while and our emotional bags are small and empty. That isn't to say that we don't have baggage from prior relationships, but today I'm focusing specifically on "in relationship baggage".

Over time we tend to notice annoying trends and they go in the little bag. Then the little bag gets too small and we start carrying a tote bag. Disappointments, arguments, character flaws...and that bag gets full and we move to a suitcase.
Game playing (which was admitted by the radio host), lies, rage fill the bag quickly. Repeat offenses add heavy rocks to the bag.

Before long, we can't carry the bag any more and we say "enough".

Have you ever been going on a trip, walking through the airport with crazy heavy luggage? You're not thinking about the fantastic destination at that point. All you want to do is get rid of the luggage.

That's why over 50% of marriages end in divorce. We're dumping the baggage.

The good news is, junk can be taken out of the luggage too. Not as easily, but it can be done. How?

1. Make an agreement to talk about the baggage. This is two sided and sometimes you'll be the one who says "I don't want to carry that" and sometimes you'll be the one who has to apologize and take it back.

2. See rule #1 and be willing to listen. If you've done something that adds weight to the relationship, apologize and do what you can to fix it. You may not be able to "fix" what you did, but you will certainly have the opportunity to stop doing it.

3. See rule #1 and be willing to talk. If you're tired of something and it's weighing you down, say so....nicely.

Most of this is about attitude. If you go into this process with an attitude that says "I don't want to add weight to her emotional baggage", it will go a long way towards making you a better couple.

Stay in touch -

Mark