Relationship Killers - 3 Quick Hits

Today, I'm going to give you 3 quick reminders of things that can, over time, kill a relationship.

Not Listening
I know how it is. You get intent on watching TV and you don't even realize she's talking. Or you are up to your neck in work and you heard her say something but have no idea what. Stop. Show your partner courtesy by listening closely to what she has to say.

Not Saying “I Love You”
If you think that guys don't say it, then you're an idiot. Tell her that you love her. If this is difficult for you, then your relationship needs help.

Not Doing Nice Things for Your Partner
What? You think it's all about you? Do something nice for her, on a regular basis.

Just some reminders to help keep you close.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Say it With Words

We've talked in the past how differently men and women communicate. Our communication styles differ as much as our decorating abilities. But clear, concise communication works, particularly when it comes to expressing your feelings.

This works for both of you. It works for you because you don't have to get into a long elaborate discussion about your feelings and emotions. That's not what this is about.

It works for her because she hears words of affection, respect and appreciation from you, in easy to understand language.

The secret? Keep it short and say what you mean. To start, let's focus on three key areas:

1. Appreciation. Simple words of gratitude. "Hey thanks for helping me with the yard work, I liked having you there." "Wow, what a great meal." "Thanks for picking up my (whatever), that really saved me a bunch of time."

2. Affection. Tell her you love her. "I'm so glad you're my wife." "How did I ever get to be so lucky?" And simplest and best of all, "I love you."

3. Respect. Make sure she understands that you respect her thoughts and opinions. "That's a good thought, I hadn't thought of it that way before." "Good idea." "You're right."

Some of you will have trouble with the last one.

What we're after here is an increase in positive communication. It stimulates the relationship. So tell her how you fell. Use words to do it.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Say it, Mean it

Every once in a while I scan the relationship forums to find out what people think. Sometimes it's like reading an episode of Jerry Springer. But sometimes there is a a topic worth noting. Here's one I found yesterday, that I thought was interesting.

A woman writes that her boyfriend never tells her that he loves her. She says "He used to tell me he loved me all the time, but now he doesn't say it unless I say it first. I have cried to him about it twice and he says that he does love me but that he "doesn't think about it" because he has been really stressed for the past month."

One of the people that replied to her post (a guy) said that she was adding stress to him by complaining that he never says it. Really? Give me a break.

What are the problems here?
First, the fact that he "doesn't think about it" is a problem. How can you be in a relationship and not think about how you feel about the other person. It would be like waking up in the morning and saying "I'm so completely indifferent to you."

Second, he's stressed from school. If he can't remember to tell her that he loves her while he's in school, what will it be like when the pressures of real life crash in on his little world?

Finally, if he isn't focused enough on her to say I love you - he certainly isn't going to rock her world. And forget about him going out of his way to do things for her, surprise her and treat her right.

Baby boy needs to grow up, suck it up and remember - if someone means something to you, tell them. Say it, and mean it.

Stay in touch -

Mark