We've been talking about reasons people have affairs, and I want to make sure I don't go too far in putting blame on the cheater's partner.
I heard a talk show host say the other day that he has a friend whose wife was cheating on him. They split. Recently he saw them together again. He was surprised to find them together and asked his friend about it. He said, "she decided to forgive me for what I was doing that caused her to cheat."
That's out of balance. While I do believe that relationship problems are the driving cause of affairs, that does not and can not excuse the cheater's behavior. Ultimately we all have responsibility for doing what's right. Bad circumstances at home do not justify cheating. Period. Sorry.
This is propagated further by websites that say "life is short, have an affair", and proceed to allow you to pay to join and hook up with other married members. A dating service for married people to screw around on their partners. I hope there is a special place in hell for the scumbag that runs that service. And by 'special' I mean extra crispy.
Affairs destroy relationships. That about sums it up.
Stay in touch -
Mark
Showing posts with label Reasons for cheating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reasons for cheating. Show all posts
Friday, May 7, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Why We Cheat
According to Dr. Sheri Meyers, a marriage and family therapist, there are several common reasons why people have affairs. The list of reasons is from Dr. Meyers, the comments are mine.
1. A chasm or emotional distance in the relationship. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to stay engaged in the relationship and remain connected at an emotional level.
2. Lack luster sex. Sex is like tennis (except a lot more fun and I hardly ever hurt my shoulder during sex) in that when two equally matched partners are 'playing' the experience is a lot better. If you and your partner aren't on the same page about the how, what, when, and where - one of you is going to feel unfulfilled.
3. Boredom. Get in a rut and fail to keep things interesting, and your partner could wander, especially these days with everyone having such a short attention span.
4. Changes in the primary relationship. If one of you substitutes someone else as your emotional support, and relies on them for strength and advice - I would argue that you are already having an affair, even if you haven't had sex. Emotional dependence on someone else (that takes the place of your partner) throws the relationship out of balance.
Four more causes of affairs tomorrow.
Stay in touch -
Mark
1. A chasm or emotional distance in the relationship. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to stay engaged in the relationship and remain connected at an emotional level.
2. Lack luster sex. Sex is like tennis (except a lot more fun and I hardly ever hurt my shoulder during sex) in that when two equally matched partners are 'playing' the experience is a lot better. If you and your partner aren't on the same page about the how, what, when, and where - one of you is going to feel unfulfilled.
3. Boredom. Get in a rut and fail to keep things interesting, and your partner could wander, especially these days with everyone having such a short attention span.
4. Changes in the primary relationship. If one of you substitutes someone else as your emotional support, and relies on them for strength and advice - I would argue that you are already having an affair, even if you haven't had sex. Emotional dependence on someone else (that takes the place of your partner) throws the relationship out of balance.
Four more causes of affairs tomorrow.
Stay in touch -
Mark
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