What Men Can Learn About Sex....From Brett Favre

Clearly not all of Brett Favre's passes are completions. And, in this case, it appears some got intercepted. So now we've been hearing about big Brett trying to seduce a member of the NY Jets media team, by sending her texts and pictures of little Brett. Let's just say, some things are better left to the imagination. His success as a quarterback is attributed to his arm, not necessarily other parts of his body and by that I mean - his brain.

So what can we "mere mortals" learn from this? A few things:

1. Don't be an idiot. You got the hots for someone at work (and you're married or in a relationship), leave it alone. Don't leave repetitive phone messages and what ever you do, don't pull out Mr Happy and snap pictures of it. Here's a good rule: NEVER send pictures of "yourself" to a woman...especially unsolicited.

2. No matter who you are, no means no. It doesn't seem like Brett physically forced himself on anyone (other than the unsolicited pics), but just because you have a high opinion of yourself, doesn't mean everyone else does.

3. Home is still the priority. If little Brett was lonely, maybe - I don't know - this is crazy - Mrs. Favre could have come by the hotel? Focus on fulfilling your sexual role at home - for most, that's a hard enough task to accomplish without going outside for extra-curricular activity.

Here's the good news about this story. Now I've found something that annoys me about Brett Favre more than his waffling back and forth about retiring. Brett should retire as a auto-photographer, that's for sure.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Affairs: A Final Thought

We've been talking about reasons people have affairs, and I want to make sure I don't go too far in putting blame on the cheater's partner.

I heard a talk show host say the other day that he has a friend whose wife was cheating on him. They split. Recently he saw them together again. He was surprised to find them together and asked his friend about it. He said, "she decided to forgive me for what I was doing that caused her to cheat."

That's out of balance. While I do believe that relationship problems are the driving cause of affairs, that does not and can not excuse the cheater's behavior. Ultimately we all have responsibility for doing what's right. Bad circumstances at home do not justify cheating. Period. Sorry.

This is propagated further by websites that say "life is short, have an affair", and proceed to allow you to pay to join and hook up with other married members. A dating service for married people to screw around on their partners. I hope there is a special place in hell for the scumbag that runs that service. And by 'special' I mean extra crispy.

Affairs destroy relationships. That about sums it up.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Reasons for Affairs - Day 2

Yesterday we outlined the first four of Dr. Sheri Meyers' eight top reasons for affairs. Dr. Meyers is a marriage and family therapist. Today we finish off the list. Just like yesterday - the reasons are from Dr. Meyers, the comments are mine.

5. Loss of self-esteem. Or...never had self esteem. The affair is driven by the need to feel good about one's self. It's reassurance, validation. If someone isn't getting that validation from their partner, they are apt to look for it somewhere else. Another risk of low self-esteem is that the person who doesn't feel good will run their partner down in an attempt to level the playing field. Know anybody like this?

6. Excessive time at work. All work and no play makes Jack's wife (or Jill's husband) look for fun somewhere else. A lot of companies are focusing more on work/life balance these days, which is good. But for many who get their "identity" from what they do, spending too much time at the office could be adding a vulnerability to their relationship.

7. New friends of the opposite sex. I've been back and forth with this one. I have friends of the opposite sex and I'm not cheating. I think what matters here is where you draw the line on the friendship. Avoid putting yourself in vulnerable positions. Avoid getting too close. I have female friends that I care about, but in a real pinch, I can't be their 'go to guy'.

8. Business Trips. This doesn't mean that everyone who goes on a business trip is boinking their way across the country. It's simply a warning flag that should be recognized. It's easy (for some) to think "what happens in Cleveland, stays in Cleveland." Keep the foundation strong at home, and this risk diminishes.

The point of me sharing this list is to send up warning flags for things you can watch for in your relationship. Even if your relationship is on solid footing, it doesn't hurt to do a safety check every once in a while.

We'll wrap up this topic tomorrow.

Stay in touch -

Mark

Why We Cheat

According to Dr. Sheri Meyers, a marriage and family therapist, there are several common reasons why people have affairs. The list of reasons is from Dr. Meyers, the comments are mine.

1. A chasm or emotional distance in the relationship. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to stay engaged in the relationship and remain connected at an emotional level.

2. Lack luster sex. Sex is like tennis (except a lot more fun and I hardly ever hurt my shoulder during sex) in that when two equally matched partners are 'playing' the experience is a lot better. If you and your partner aren't on the same page about the how, what, when, and where - one of you is going to feel unfulfilled.

3. Boredom. Get in a rut and fail to keep things interesting, and your partner could wander, especially these days with everyone having such a short attention span.

4. Changes in the primary relationship. If one of you substitutes someone else as your emotional support, and relies on them for strength and advice - I would argue that you are already having an affair, even if you haven't had sex. Emotional dependence on someone else (that takes the place of your partner) throws the relationship out of balance.

Four more causes of affairs tomorrow.

Stay in touch -

Mark